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Soon, the undead will arise. Their flesh hanging from their rotten bones like rags, they’ll emerge from cemeteries and mortuaries, wandering aimlessly down Biscayne Boulevard in search of their only sustenance: Brains. Living human brains. Society will quickly devolve into an anarchic fight for survival as the government, military and police forces all crumble before the horrifying mob.
Fortunately for Miami, one of our leaders in Tallahassee is ready. Sen. Dwight Bullard introduced an amendment yesterday to change a bill’s title to its true purpose: “An act relating to the zombie apocalypse.”
OK, sadly the bill doesn’t actually have anything to do with prepping Dade County for the pending trial of blood and carnage at the heads of reanimated corpses.
In fact, the bill is a hotly contest measure that would let anyone carry a gun during a state emergency — even if they don’t have a concealed weapons permit. The idea, according to its sponsor, St. Petersburg Republican Rep. Jeff Brandes, is that gun owners wouldn’t have to abandon their weapons in the face of a hurricane or other disaster.
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Critics, including the Florida Sheriffs Association, have pointed out that letting thousands of people without training to pack heat during a stressful and chaotic evacuation might not be a great idea.
Bullard falls into that latter category, of course, and filed the amendment to change SB 296’s title to highlight what he sees as the absurdity of the measure.
“For me, as laughable as the amendment might seem, it’s equally laughable that people who haven’t gone through the proper training, the background check, the license to carry — we’re saying because of a hurricane or flooding or sinkhole, these individuals have gone from gun owners to concealed carry permit holders,” the Democrat tells the Huffington Post. “I’d argue a crisis is probably the last instance in which you want someone who is not a concealed permit holder to carry a weapon.”
For those hoping the Senate will finally confront the tough questions — namely, how exactly we’ll organize to defeat the walking dead when they chose to arise — you’ll probably have to wait until next session.
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