Shopping malls and haunted houses can be incredibly scary, but a combination of the two, that’s just downright terrifying. Welcome to Doral. If you’re a sucker for deep-fried frights, rickety, fly-by-night carnival rides, and hired talent scaring the piss out of you, you know the beginning of fall triggers the…
As everyone knows, if a guy stays single or sexless long enough, his virginity will grow back–usually thicker and darker than before. However, regular sex that doesn’t require pre-numbing your dominant hand shouldn’t be the only reason to acquire a girlfriend. Girlfriends provide many benefits including love, faithful companionship, and…
If you are an avid reader of Cultist (as you should be), you caught our interview with AshleyMadison.com creator Noel Biderman last week. According to him, at one point or another, everyone in this world cheats. So we got to thinking: There’s no way everyone is an adulterer, right? Right?! Ugh,…
If checked out the New Times sex survey, you know that Miamians are either the horniest, sluttiest lot on the planet or a bunch of no-good liars. As you may remember, 71 percent of the 2,000 people surveyed admitted they think about fornication many times throughout the day. Which is probably…
Miami Beach is going to be crawling with loud, feisty, LGBT this Saturday for Orgullo, the first ever Hispanic LGBT pride event. Organizers put together a saucy line up of Hispanic entertainers, including Jose (from Minuto de Fama), Adora & Teddy Behr, Marytrini, Mariloly, and Shanay Bright. Unfortunately, multi Grammy…
If you haven’t heard about CrossFit, what treadmill have you been hiding under? It’s the fitness craze that has members slamming heavy balls against the floor, scaling ropes, lifting, sprinting, squatting, pressing, pushing, and thrusting, sometimes crying, and then coming back, begging for more. (Is anyone else turned on right…
The billboards are up, so it must be true: the walking dead have taken over the parking lot at Miami International Mall. House of Horror, the month-long pop-up amusement park, opens its second run next Thursday. And we’re giving away two tickets to opening night.For an extended preview of what…
These days, if you’re still not satisfied with the kickball or roller derby leagues popping up all over South Florida, maybe bicycles will whet your alternative sport appetite.The Miami Bike Polo league (polo, as in a mallet in one hand, a handlebar in the other, and a street hockey ball…
When Steve Jobs sold his functioning liver to the Devil in exchange for the iPhone, his first thought probably wasn’t, “I bet someone will create apps that ease no-strings-attached sexual encounters.” Just kidding, he’s a savvy dude so I’m sure he knew right away people would use the device for…
Six years ago yesterday, Yoga in the Park downtown held its first free class. Woo hoo!! There were only nine attendees. That first class practiced near the water because Hurricane Wilma had ripped apart the Tina Hills Pavilion. Boy has yoga evolved. Today the free class has grown into one…
Dear Hollywood Starlet,We have followed you from the beginning of your blossoming career in Hollywood. We watched you squeeze from the vagina of small-town America and be born into the limelight of our hearts. We have stood by you when you took that nonspeaking role in the latest uninspired horror…
Twenty years ago, Miami was getting to be a frigging weird place, and if you went to José Martí Park on any given Sunday, it might not have surprised you to see a bunch of maniacs riding in circles on bicycles, screaming and swinging sticks. Today, the city has cleaned…
Please say it isn’t so! Just when we thought at least one couple would survive in Hollywood, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith might be on the way out. There are rumors that the couple is “separating.” Although the comely pair recently denied such rumors, we all know this is…
Meteorological experts have called August “the month when hurricanes are almost as brutal as my divorce (as in when my wife tires of my fearmongering and drawing trajectory cones on her belly as we make love).” If a nasty, hard-core hurricane is going to strike, it’ll probably be this month. Katrina…
Admittedly, our gaydar at Cultist is not always what it should be. We still think Justin Bieber is straight, maybe even Charlie Crist. So we don’t mind admitting we were floored yesterday when we found out about a petition started by an Illinois resident to “allow” Bert and Ernie to…
This Friday, YouTube sensations, Jessica and Hunter, are getting comp’d all weekend as the hosts of Chambord Vodka Weekend. In case you don’t live on the Internet, they are a campy duo from Los Angeles whose viral videos target celebrity culture.We managed to find the two majah celebs conscious long…
Of course, South Beach would have a sex museum. And tonight, the World Erotic Art Museum opens its “Nudes: Erotic, Poetic and Patterned” exhibit, featuring a rare exhibit of 17 original works by the reclusive artist Norman J. Olson. The normally secluded Olson avoids the public and creates pieces “driven…
There are many ways to battle: via clamors and guns, via rap a la 8 Mile, and in a spirited dance-off. In the world of Montreal performance troupe Cirque Éloize, rival gangs choose to battle via a circus-off — or, more aptly, a cirque-off. In iD, which opens tonight at…
Want to know which demographic most enjoys gift-wrapping toenail clippings in moist towelettes? There’s probably scientists right now securing grant money for just such a useless study. And consider this study reported by the New York Times in which two sociologists gave us a groundbreaking conclusion: Women are more likely…
If you’re not Cuban, you probably have a Cuban friend who keeps you in stitches with his or her unique observations and off-color comments. Enter Pepe Billete. Pepe has become the 305’s favorite Cuban puppet gone viral. Billete takes songs you know and love, such as those by Rick Ross,…
Any asshole can streak. Any hippie can get au naturel for a still-life drawing class. And any shameless baby-boomer with a gut so large he has no idea he’s playing hacky-sack with his own nuts can go to Haulover Beach. But that’s boring — activities for nudie novices! Today, on the…
It’s all pretext. All of it. The beaches. The sun in the fun clichés. The models. The palm trees. The nightlife. Even the heat. The prevailing logic for why Miami is among the premiere destinations for travelers from across the globe is all bullshit. The real reason everybody wants to…
