You can complain about Miami for a myriad of reasons, but you can’t say our locals suffer from a lack of personality. To outsiders, Miamians can be “too loud,” “too Cuban,” “too rude,” or any combination thereof — but locals know we’re just a bunch of amusing, quirky, and audacious…
Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Have a question for Nikki? Email it to cultist@miaminewtimes.com. John Verrochi has experienced hundreds of first dates, No, he’s not the Don Juan of the South. But close: he’s a mixologist at the Shore Club…
If behind every great man is a great woman, then behind every great woman is a great bumbum. It stands to reason, then, that the women with the greatest bumbums in the world would also be the greatest women in the world. Friends, we have witnessed these bumbums and can…
Many women have an acceptable set of buttocks. Some have one seemingly perfect buttock that is paired with a deflated, swaying cheek, or worse, one with a single, twisted antler growing from it. Not Miss Bumbum. Her bumbum is perfect. And unmarried. Miss Bumbum is also the winner of a…
Mario Lavandeira, better known as gossip blogger Perez Hilton, doesn’t make it back to his hometown of Miami that often, but when he does, he tries to make it interesting. This time around, he’ll be hosting the Ultimate Drag Queen competition at the Magic City Casino tomorrow night. “I’m the…
Last year, Miami’s own Tatu Baby (AKA Katherine Flores) stole viewers’ hearts (and other extremities) during her turn on Spike TV’s Ink Master. With a sexy, pin-up style and impressive skill with the needle, people were all abuzz about this local girl. In fact, despite elimination, she earned an unprecedented…
A comic book series about vampires. Zach Braff’s new movie. A new digital projector for an indie movie theater. Cat Girl porn. One of those things is not like the others. The comic, movie, and projector are all projects you might find at the popular crowdfunding website Kickstarter. If you’re…
As Sgt. Slaughter climbed into the ring to face the Iron Sheik in a professional wrestling match in 1984, there were at least two American presidents watching. “When I met Presidents Reagan and Nixon later on,” Slaughter tells Cultist, “both said they had seen it and had stood up and…
The sun never used to set on the British Empire, but have you seen those people lately? Golem from Lord of the Rings looks like James Brown compared to the rest of his countrymen. Yesterday, we celebrated taking those snooty jerks down a peg in 1776 by recreating our battles…
In the skies over America tonight, we will celebrate our independence from good Indian food and universal healthcare by exploding fireworks o’er our ramparts. All well and good, but nothing really competes with the old fashioned razzle dazzle of jazz hands. Fortunately, George Takei has got you covered. In the…
Some Fourth of July trivia for you. Everyone knows that the 13 stripes on the American flag represent the original 13 colonies. But what about the 50 stars? Most people assume it’s the 50 states but hey, geniuses: there weren’t 50 states yet when we invented flags in 1776. The…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Have a question for Nikki? Email it to cultist@miaminewtimes.com. If you’ve been in Miami long enough, you’ve undoubtedly experienced the phenomenon of summer flings. The same way Northerners seem to couple during the…
This week we celebrate America’s independence. And while we can’t offer you an interview with George Washington, we can offer something much better: George Takei. After all, by Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, Takei was the captain of his own spaceship. The best Washington ever managed was a glorified…
This Saturday the skies opened up and let loose a torrent of gray water over Downtown. Despite the momentary monsoon, the slightly waterlogged lot on the corner of 11th and North Miami Avenue was abuzz with music and good vibes. People were celebrating and feeling good, rains be damned. The…
When it comes to social media, celebrities tend to fall into one of several categories. You have your wacky comedy types like George Takei, posting funny pictures. You have your obsessively perfect celebs (ahem, Beyonce) whose every Instagram photo is expertly framed and filtered. And then you have the oversharers…
Yesterday, New Times unleashed its annual Best of Miami issue, including this year’s pick for Best Feud — Lisa and Leonard Hochstein versus the Miami Design Preservation League. Now it appears the Hochsteins have taken a lead in the fight. On Monday, the MDPL lost its appeal of a Miami…
Taylor Mac likes pop music. And he’s pretty indiscriminate about the pop music he likes, from primitive folk songs of the 1770s to the Auto-Tuned, focus-grouped hits of today. The actor and gender-bending diva, recognized in New York City and beyond for his politically conscious, impossible-to-reproduce theatrical spectacles, is channeling…
It’s hard in Miami for a film fanatic. Yes, things have gotten exponentially better in recent years, with indie theaters like O Cinema showing rare, experimental, and underground movies every week. But audiences in film capitals like New York and Los Angeles still get most movies weeks or even months…
Each week, Miami dating expert Nikki Novo gives us advice on finding love in this hopeless place. Have a question for Nikki? Email it to cultist@miaminewtimes.com. When it comes to dating, Miami gets a bad rap. Maybe it’s partially deserved. But perhaps we’re just failing to see the good? After…
Sometimes, the world seems like a cruel and heartless place. Children go hungry. Natural disasters wreck entire cities. Madmen commit unspeakable violence. Who among us hasn’t wondered why life is so unfair, why the universe seems out to punish us, what kind of a god would allow these things to…
Deep within a room that lies within another room – which is behind a locked door — there exists an old steel cabinet labeled “Metaphysical Sciences.” The documents date back to the 1950s and belonged to Dr. Valentine, a local and peculiar expert on telepathic communication and a foremost scholar…
In theory, Miami is a perfect pit stop for any solar-powered vehicle — hell, it’s the sunniest city in the Sunshine State. But in practice, this town’s been overcast and soggy for weeks now. Luckily, the crew of the MS Tûranor PlanetSolar came with their batteries charged. The ship –…
