Everybody can unclench their assholes now.The Miami Heat are fine.LeBron James decided to remind the world once again that he does, in fact, have the biggest dong of them all. Behind a 34 point, 10-assist performance, James led the Miami Heat to a 98-93 win over the Oklahoma City Thunder…
On the opening night of the Marlins new ballpark, a lot of things went right: Parking wasn’t a catastrophe. The weather was South Florida perfection. On national TV, the new ballpark looked damned gorgeous — lime green facades, swimming polls and all. And in the best news of the night,…
There are just so many bizarre features at the new Marlins Park that apparently we in the media haven’t been able to keep up with all the insanity. Like, did you even know that the stadium includes a Bobblehead Museum? Seriously, there are 588 different bobbleheads encased behind glass, and…
Weirdly enough, the Miami Heat only play like a bag of shit on the road, because they remain as dominant as ever at home. LeBron James dropped a season-high 41 points — 15 in the fourth quarter — as the Heat took down the Philadelphia 76ers 99-93 last night, winning their…
Two years ago, Barack Obama threw out the first pitch at the Washington National’s stadium to inaugurate the 2010 MLB season. The Marlins haven’t announced who will toss out the ceremonial first ball tonight. Could the president come running out of the brand-new bullpen?Today’s White House schedule ends at 11:55…
Move over, PETA — there’s a new publicity-hungry organization in town that isn’t afraid to shock. To protest hot dogs, the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, a group of vegan doctors, is unveiling a billboard linking hot dogs to “butt cancer” right outside the new Marlins Stadium…
The Miami Heat has been unstoppable at home since the All-Star break. On the road, however, the team has been a big, heaping pile of ass. And that was certainly the case yesterday during their 91-72 gag reflex of a loss to the Boston Celtics.Rajon Rondo recorded a triple-double against…
In an off-season filled with godawful personnel moves, add dissing former first-round pick Vernon Carey to the list of Miami Dolphins blunders. During eight seasons with the Dolphins, Carey started 105 of 112 regular-season games ping-ponging between the left tackle, right tackle, and right guard on the offensive line. Not…
When the Miami Marlins signed Jose Reyes, there was a lot of speculation as to how the speedy Dominican superstar shortstop would mesh with the team’s existing speedy Dominican superstar shortstop, Hanley Ramirez. The answer: They’re basically the Siegfried and Roy of America’s pastime…
Miami Marlins outfielder Logan Morrison, subject of this week’s feature story, “Tweeter in Chief”, is one of the most outspoken and freewheeling dudes in Major League Baseball. He tweets crazy shit, he speaks his mind when questioned by reporters, and goes all out when photographed for the cover of your…
So what was Dwyane Wade up to during his lockout free time? Apparently penning a memoir about his experiences as a child and as a father to his children. The book, A Father First: How My Life Became Bigger than Basketball, is expected to be released in September…
Is this a sign of a University of Miami football apocalypse? The Hurricanes are are posting fliers around the school Wellness Center, asking “any student that is at least 6’1 and 230+ pounds” to contact the team about becoming offensive linemen. We gotta say, this does not strike us as…
Oral histories are hot right now. Siskel and Ebert got one. Vanity Fair just did one on The Sopranos. Now Esquire has one about Baywatch. It seems the only proper way to pay tribute to a dearly departed program is to document its history with disembodied quotes from its actors…
Finally, Frank Martin has become the head basketball coach of… South Carolina? According to news reports, Martin is leaving Kansas State after five years to take over the struggling Gamecocks. The move brings Martin closer to his native Miami, where he coached high school ball for 15 years, but it’s…
Ah, remember the days when Kimbo Slice was making people go bazonkers for his vicious beatdown videos on YouTube? Today, after washing out as a professional mixed martial artist, Slice’s fighting career has reached a new low. Despite winning his fourth straight professional boxing match Saturday night, the sports Interwebs…
Remember when the Marlins announced the roster of local artists they’d hired to spruce up their new Little Havana ballpark and everyone was all, “Yay! No Britto! Nice work, team.” That enthusiasm was tempered as we got our first look at the iris-searing home run sculpture in left, a construction…
Venus Williams didn’t let a little Sjogren’s Syndrome get in her way at the first women’s singles match of the Sony Ericsson Open in Key Biscayne yesterday.No, no, she showed that disorder who was boss and whooped Japan’s Kimiko Date-Krumm in a 77 minute-long short match (6-0, 6-3).The 31 year-old…
For pretty much the entirety of last night’s game against the Phoenix Suns, the Miami Heat played basketball like old people fuck. Winners of their last four games, the Suns came in shooting lights-out and playing suffocating defense. Dwyane Wade was shut down by Grant Hill, while LeBron James was…
Oh man, have we ever missed Joey Porter and his big, fat, flapping mouth. He talked himself out of town back in 2010. Porter pretty much got fired after ripping the team’s management and then coach Tony Sparano. Rest assured, he still has words for Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland and…
I’m starting to think that Dolphins general manager Jeff Ireland is more incompetent than he is idiotic. If he was just plain stupid, he’d probably be hot in the chase of Tim Tebow right now, and, well, we told you how we feel about that yesterday. Thankfully, according to reports…
Last night, it wasn’t so great to be a Miami Hurricane. Both the University of Miami men’s and women’s basketball teams saw their seasons come to an end by being upset in their respective tournaments by much lower seeded teams…
So, Peyton Manning has chosen to play for the Denver Broncos, which officially ends the reign of Tebowmania in Colorado.What does that mean for the Dolphins? The sports media has already cued up the Tebow-to-Miami talks. We’d rather they hit the kill button. Nothing about that makes sense…
