The sun emerged from behind the clouds on our side of Dolphin Stadium, Section 222, on Sunday. There were about six minutes left in the game. The Fins were winning, so we forgave the rain that had sprayed us earlier. It was the first time we had seen the sun…
My feet still haven’t touched the ground. My throat is raw and scratchy. My voice is shot. I sound like Jennifer Tilly after several rounds of scotch and cigarettes at a Poker tournament. Myself, and everyone around me, are acting like we’re in a Dr. Pepper commercial. My brain still…
Well. This is it. One more loss away from tying the 1976 Bucs. Two more losses away from full on dementia. Beat the 4-9 Ravens or face the fact that you’ll be telling your grandkids you experienced the worst season ever in the history of the NFL. And then they’ll…
Some random crap for you this morning. Number one, from this moment on, Cam Cameron will be known as Turd Ferguson. Also… According to Pro Football Weekly, it seems Jason Taylor wants to get the fuck out of Dodge. “We hear that the 11-year veteran, who has spent his entire…
Evidence suggests that Cam Cameron’s mission in life is to completely and utterly fuck up John Beck’s career beyond all recognition before it even gets started. Instead of starting Beck at home against Buffalo after the bye week, he decided to give him the reigns on the road, in the…
Everybody wants Cam Cameron fired. But who do we replace him with? Bill Cowher? Bill Parcells? SI’s Peter King warns us of the Siren Song of the Big Name Coach, which we as a franchise have fallen for time and time again. I didn’t think Peter King was capable of…
What am I doing with my Sundays? I oughta be out in a convertible, bird-doggin’ chicks and bangin’ beaver on Sundays. Instead, I’m watching the shitty Dolphins? I must be a fucking loon. This shit just ain’t funny anymore. It’s become downright grim. We’re now one loss away. One loss…
“Oh my! Hello. I am C-3PO. Human cyborg relations. I have come from a galaxy far, far away to deliver you some pertinent information. It seems that it has been exactly 365 days since the Miami Dolphins last won a game. I must tell you that the odds of this…
So the Marlins are at it again. They win a World Series and then end up trading everyone away. Why can’t they just keep people around. The Marlins are trading Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis for six prospects from the Detroit Tigers. Yes, they are trading the last two guys…
In hindsight, I guess I should have expected this. Everything was in place for a Dolphins win. And by that I mean the day was ripe for yet another ball-crushing, soul-sucking loss. The crowd was rocking. The Jets fans silenced. Joey Porter had just intercepted a batted ball and ran…
As you’ve probably may have guessed from being a regular here, I’m no fun to be around during a Dolphins game. I yell, I kick, I throw shit. I’m even more aggressive when I’m at a game. A buddy of mine was able to score a couple of Club level…
At the Miami Heat game Tuesday…. The Golden Oldies, time-out dancers with soft bellies, gray hair and jiggling thighs earned with age, shook to booty music. (Boisterous applause, knee-slapping laughter, giggles) Then, the sexy, hair-tossing twenty-somethings clicked across the court in heels and pranced while some seemed to long for…
Both the Palm Beach Post and the Miami Herald are calling for Cam Cameron to cut John Beck’s cord and let him fucking sling the rock already. I added the fucking for emphasis. Says Greg Stoda: “Let [Beck] heave more than one deep toss to Ted Ginn Jr … Have…
Whenever media spotlights shine on the early death of a celebrity like Sean Taylor, the tragedy somehow becomes symbolic of something larger. Maybe it’s fear or a desire to put our finger on something that we feel we can control. If we figure out what caused it, maybe we can…
My eyes are bloodshot. My hair is disheveled. My stomach hurts. I’m a zombie. I’m beyond my normal bouts of rage after a Dolphins’ loss. I’m beyond just the normal throwing the toaster at my television. I’m beyond flinging empty Heineken bottles at my dog. This loss makes me want…
News wires are reporting that Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor, who attended the University of Miami, was shot in his Palmetto Bay home early this morning. Miami’s ABC-TV 10 is reporting that Taylor was shot in the groin around 1:45 Monday morning. The police are investigating whether the shooting was…
Got a bunch of e-mails regarding my post from Friday. Apparently I was a bit ambiguous about my stance on the whole Darren McFadden thing. Sorry. Stuffing, Tryptophan and a shit load of Jack and Coke had me feeling a little funky after that Arkansas-LSU game. So here’s where I…
So you’ve come back home from your 4:00 a.m. shopping spree at Wal-Mart and BrandsMart USA, where you got that 52″ plasma TV for yourself (half off!) and The Best of Ralph Macchio DVD boxed set for your brother-in-law (also half-off!), and plunked yourself down on the couch to waste…
I regard Nascar in the same way that lunatics consider Free Masonry: It’s everywhere. It generates millions of dollars and seems to hold a considerable sway over half the country’s hearts and minds. And yet, I hardly see it anywhere. I don’t know anybody who cares about Nascar. I’m only…
According to Armando Salguero, Cam Cameron is expected to announce today that John Beck will start against the Eagles on Sunday. As it is, I won’t have to stab Cam with a trident. Anyway, you all know I’ve been calling for this to happen since, like, Week 3. Better late…
Today’s the day. The day Cam Cameron is supposed to come out and announce that John Beck will be getting the start against Philly this weekend. We all see it coming right? I mean, after all, Cam was non-committal about naming Cleo Lemon as the starter for this week after…
Yep. We did it! The Miami Dolphins are now officially the worst team in the NFL. You just knew it. In the pit of your stomach. You knew the Fins were going to find a way to screw it up and give a game away that clearly should have been…
