Doof Glob: The Food Blog For Dyslexics (Plus Other Niche Ideas)

​There are food blogs aplenty in this land, and lots of niches have been covered. Locally, locavores can dig Mango & Lime, carnivores congregate at The Burger Beast, and French Fry Fairy appeals to fairies — or maybe to those who like fried potatoes. I never have been able to…

Moët I-395 Billboard an Obnoxious & Dangerous Distraction

As though the combination of drinking champagne and driving a car hasn’t created enough traffic accidents over the years, Moët & Chandon is launching a distracting digital billboard visible to drivers heading into Miami Beach via I-395.The billboard ad campaign, which starts today, is called “Miami 16 Seconds of Fame.”…

Mugshots Friday Will Return Next Week

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the week previous. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that…

Brussels Sprouts Love at Top Restos: Screw The Surveys

Google “I hate Brussels Sprouts” and you come up with 128,000 hits. There are surveys from Australia and Britain naming Brussels sprouts the “most hated vegetable”, an “I Hate Brussels Sprouts” Facebook page, and an “I Hate Brussels Sprouts” forum, where you can share your hatred with like minded individuals…

Natacha Seijas and Pepe Diaz Twist The Truth In Contract Flap

County Commissioners Pepe Diaz and Natacha Seijas sure know how to dish out the bullshit when they are trying to help a friend hold on to a lucrative county contract. Two days ago, during the Internal Management & Fiscal Responsibility committee meeting, the pair chided Procurement Director Miriam Singer for…

Letters from the issue of February 10, 2011

Straight Talk Unmasked crusader: Great article profiling bisexual Peruvian talk show host and presidential candidate Jaime Bayly (“Bad Boy Bayly,” Michael Miller, February 3). Aside from all his personal and professional controversies, Bayly fights hypocrisy, unmasking all those liars who go through life pretending they are perfect. I like that…

National Signing Day: pettiness reigns

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the pettiness of college football’s National Signing Day. On National Signing Day last week, University of…

Dunkin’ Donuts’ “Cupid’s Choice” A Valentine’s Day Let Down

Dunkin Donuts is peddling a curious, heart-shaped sweet. There are two variations of the “Cupid’s Choice” (99 cents each): chocolate with a raspberry jelly filling and vanilla with a custard filling. The latter is painted with a strawberry frosting. The thing had a stale, dry taste that couldn’t be masked…

Cavity’s Goin’ Ann Arbor/Sometime Sweet Susan 7″

CavityGoin’ Ann Arbor/Sometime Sweet Susan 7″(Rhetoric Records) What can I say? It doesn’t always work out. Case in point: My mother tried so hard to make me an upright citizen, a contributor, an eventual CEO, MBA candidate, whatever-the-fuck. She never imagined in her wildest dreams that I’d be some abject…

An Open Letter to The Decemberists, Love Crossfade

Dear Decemberists, Congratulations, The King is Dead is a remarkable album. We can’t wait to hear it live. Actually, on second thought, we probably won’t hear it live because the awful reality is that your tour’s not stopping in Miami. Hell, it’s not even tickling Florida’s Panhandle. But that’s what…

Pettiness Rules The High School Recruiting Season

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke addresses the pettiness of college football’s National Signing Day.I have to admit University of Miami Hurricanes head…

Mango’s Tropical Cafe: A Tourist Trap Revisited

If you live in Miami, you might have forgotten what it was like when you first moved here. You did, you know, tourist things such as enjoying a night out at Mango’s Tropical Café. The Ocean Drive institution is known for its colorful cast of character patrons, shows, and scantily-clad…

Sports Radio Host Andy Slater’s Ultimate At-Home Superbowl Party

​Andy Slater hosts the popular “Andy Slater Show” from noon to 3 p.m. weekdays on 640AM WFTL Radio, where he’s known for interviewing giants in sports. Andy has spoken with some of the greats, including Don King, Andre Dawson, Frank Robinson, Carlos Delgado, Adam Dunn, Frank Francisco and even O.J…

Elitist National Magazine Endorses Luke For Mayor

You know Uncle Luke is the true front runner when even the New Yorkers are telling Miami-Dade voters to elect him county mayor. New York magazine officially joined the movement today. Writer Amos Barshad notes “it doesn’t take a friggin’ expert to know that former 2 Live Crew svengali Luther…

Five Super Bowl Halftime Moments That Totally Sucked

We know you’re gearing up for the big game this Sunday. Maybe you’re actually washing your Ben Rapistburger jersey for the first time all season, or polishing your cherished wedge of cheesehead. Whatever you’re doing, you’re getting pumped for Super Bowl Sunday. And we are too. Hell, why else would…

Uncle Luke Runnin, Uncle Luke Runnin, Uncle Luke Runnin

We don’t know about all of you, but we’re pretty sick and tired of certain Miami-Dade politicians who keep resorting to their legal attack strategies to stop the will of the people. It’s damn time we get ourselves a true leader, a champion of the first amendment, who’s gonna come…

Live Eels and Dead Gators Sold At International Wal-Marts

Wal-Mart, with the approval of First Lady Michelle Obama, recently announced it would introduce healthier foods. Store brands will eliminate trans fats and reduce sugar, artificial colors and sodium. This is a positive step.What many people don’t know is that Wal-Mart owns and operates over 4,000 stores in more than …

Hialeah Man’s $40 million Ponzi Scheme Nets More Arrests

Nine more individuals have been criminally charged in the ongoing federal investigation into a $40 million ponzi scheme in Hialeah. The arrests come in the wake of news reports that the FBI and the Internal Revenue Service are investigating Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina for alleged loan sharking, mortgage fraud and…