No, I’m Not Flo Rida, and Don’t Text Me Again

Remember a few weeks back when Flo Rida gave out his cell number during a CNN interview? His number is 305-528-2786. You’d have to be NASA to crack the code from this number to mine — or you’d have to be two adolescent fans of the head-spinning MC. Unknown texter (8:15 p.m.): Hey is…

Throwback Video: Elvis And Sinatra at the Fontainebleau, 1960

The Fontainebleau has been back open for a few months, but some of us still haven’t been there. Well for those who doubt the venue’s historic legacy, watch this video. Elvis and Sinatra, same stage, Miami, Fontainebleau. Anybody reading this who’s been there lately, did you see anything this cool?…

Land Use and Campaign Contributions 101

On its corporate website, Bilzin Sumberg Baena Price & Axelrod boasts that its land use and zoning lawyers have “literally helped to reshape the skyline of our community.” No doubt the influential downtown Miami law firm knows how to persuade local government officials to allow developers to build, build, and build…

¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? En Miami La Fiesta is Tight with Basside

I’ve been driving around town listening to one song. Non-stop. And, if you know me, that’s pretty normal; usually the one song is one of my songs. This time the song is “Booty Shorts” by Basside. I swear, if anyone ever asks me what my favorite band is, the answer…

Walk of Shame Kit, Only $34.99

You can spot her at dawn — a rumpled remnant of a woman making the long, teetering trek down Michigan or Meridian or Collins. She sports raccoon eyes, lacks an earring, and walks in stilettos as if they were six-foot stilts. She emits an unidentifiable stench. Maybe it’s Doritos, cigarettes,…

Miami Federal Judges Mix Church and State

Religion in a courthouse? Sounds like the Taliban, right? Or maybe the Inquisition? Hell no, it’s just Miami — a part of America where we don’t seem to separate church and state. A new group, the Miami Catholic Lawyers Guild, is inviting the public to a mass Thursday by Miami…

Miami Beach’s Parking Imbroglio

For nine years, Frank Pintado, as the operations manager of Standard Parking’s Miami Beach operations, lorded over the city’s public garages and several lots. The deal was worth $3 million a year to the publicly traded company. But that all came to an end last year when the city commission voted…

Kardashian Spinoff Set to Infect Miami

Does reality television even try anymore? Let’s see. Kim Kardashian got famous for being Paris Hilton’s temporary Nicole Richie replacement, and then for her gross sex tape with Brandy’s little brother. Most normal families would probably disown their daughter for at least a year or so after this, but for…

Party with Local Designer for Her Supermodel Debut

Last time we checked in with Make Me a Supermodel, it was to tell you that local “freelance model” Laury Prudent was part of the cast. I think MMAS is one of those shows you tune in to once in a while because there’s some contestant you fancy, but since America’s…

Dancing with the Pols

Coming in November, the City of Miami’s public access channel will try its hand at some new, innovative programming to get residents amped up about the Magic City’s elected officials. It’s a variety show based loosely on the popular television series Dancing with the Stars. And the first contestants are commissioners…

Letters from the Issue of April 16, 2009

Eat the Rich Sick of bailouts: Thanks for the great reporting in “The Fall of a Titan” (Tim Elfrink, April 9). The execs at Stanford, the politicians involved, and the SEC people involved should all go to jail, where they will be safe from the public. It’s time for the…

The Marlins’ Chris Volstad Is No Mark Fidrych

  The Florida Marlins now have the best record in baseball and lead their division. New speedster Emilio Bonifacio just might be the hottest player in baseball. And that giant Chris Volstad has made us forget Scott Olson. Could it be this team is for real? Yesterday’s 5-1 defeat over the…

Miami Social Still Set To Rot Your TVs

Miami Social, a weekly documentary about just how hard it is to be rich, tan, buff, and connected in the third world country of Miami Beach seems to finally be making its way to Bravo’s airwaves, despite some gossip suggesting otherwise. It took a long time to get there though…

¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? Too Miami for NYC

Miami! My Miami! I missed you so much. I missed you like the deserts miss the rain. No, I miss you more than that; the desert has no idea that it’s missing the rain. On my trip to America, I started getting worried. Especially, when I left you alone for…

‘Apprentice’ Reject Raking Up Campaign Cash

Naked Politics reports that out of all candidates for the state house, Jose “Pepi” Diaz has raised the most money so far. Which is not only shocking because Diaz is not an incumbent, but also because he’s a reality TV show wash out. Diaz appeared on Season 5 of Donald…

Baby, I Love Dope Tonight at Dada

I don’t really know who the James’s are but I DO know that Die Stinkin’ is one of my favourite South Florida bands of all times.  I love their classic tracks like “Beer,” “Blood on the Sheets,” “Baby I Love Dope,” and their version of “Again and Again.” And they…

A Miami-Dade Marina Deal Gets Nasty

With millions of dollars at stake, two private marina operators are duking it out to win a Miami-Dade County contract to build and manage a dry dock boat storage facility at Matheson Hammock Park in Coral Gables. Earlier this year, an evaluation committee of Miami-Dade County employees selected Aventura-based Aqua…

Letters from the Issue of April 9, 2009

Sunken Treasure Tell him something he doesn’t know: Gus Garcia Roberts’s April 2 story, “Treasure Island,” is old news. I tried telling everyone, including New Times and government officials, about this problem years ago when I was the powerless third member of the Grandview Palace Board of Directors mentioned in…