Opinion & Commentary

One of the world’s foremost conspiracy theorists doesn’t want people to get the wrong impression when they Google his name. “Mind Control: The Ultimate Terror”? Fine. “New (Reptilian) World Order”? Hey, he wrote that article. But calling him an “American loon”? That’s cause for a libel suit, according to Uri…

If you go to Dallas, Atlanta, New York, or any other major city, the TV reporters look like a zombified Walter Cronkite who just stumbled out of the cemetery. But Miami’s TV stations employ the hottest women in America to deliver the weather reports, news about traffic jams on I-95,…

Internet Fame Gone Wrong Only in Florida: Your profile of Loli-chan, the girl who became famous to internet pedophiles and now has trouble living as an adult (“Lonely Lolita,” Allie Conti, October 10) shows there are some sick and very awkward people in this world. I thought I had seen…

A lot of dubious honors have been bestowed upon Miami, but yesterday we received a new designation: having the worst restaurant in America. The Daily Meal, in compiling its annual list of 101 best restaurants, also named the worst eateries in the nation. The introduction states that the bottom dwellers…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke ranks the most beautiful women on local television news. If you go to Dallas, Atlanta, New York, or…

During its four years of bringing musical talent and drunken debauchery to the Magic City, Bardot has attracted some of the best indie, hip-hop, and electronic artists to its floor-level carpet stage. While the club has hosted national acts, including Florence Welch, Mayer Hawthorne, and Starfucker, it’s the local artists…

Oscar Hijuelos was decidedly not Cuban. And he was certainly not a Miamian. Yet the 62-year-old author, who died Saturday in Manhattan, cast perhaps a longer literary shadow over the Magic City than any other 20th Century man of letters, His Pulitzer Prize winning book, The Mambo Kings Play Songs…

Killed Over a Jet Ski Property over life: I’m writing to you in response to your article about Reynaldo Muñoz, who was shot and killed while stealing a WaveRunner (“Dead in the Water,” Michael E. Miller, October 3) and who you claim was denied justice by a bad detective and…

With absentee ballots in the mail and early voting beginning in two weeks for the City of Miami’s November elections, it’s important that residents in District 5, which includes Overtown, Brownsville, Little Haiti, and Liberty City, cast their ballots for Keon Hardemon. Last year, the 29-year-old attorney put his name…

Major confession. My absolute favorite writer is Stephen King. Not F. Scott Fitzgerald. Not James Joyce. Not even Ernest Hemingway. Ever since my guitar teacher placed The Shining in my hands when I was about 12, I have been obsessed with the author. And I know exactly why. Unlike other…

Say what you wanna say, but truth is Miami loves karaoke. Those who have yet to unleash their inner rock star know that the thought of stealing the spotlight in front of a group of drunken strangers has crossed their mind at one point or another. And those who’ve had…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke endorses the man who will be Miami’s next District 5 commissioner. With absentee ballots being mailed and early…

It’s noon on a weekday. You’re running late. Alton Road traffic has sparked you to make wild, violent hand gestures. Suddenly, in the distance, you espy solar panels, pumpkins, and a Prius. It’s the smallest freaking Whole Foods in the entire world! (AKA the South Beach store.) You go inside…

In all fairness, Miami-Dade firefighter Osvaldo Alvarez did a pretty good job impersonating a local police officer, right down to the being-a-bit-corrupt details, but it wasn’t good enough to get away from actual local cops. Alvarez, 52, was booked yesterday for impersonating an officer, burglary and battery…

“We the Miami Heat of hip-hop.” Now, obviously, when Rick Ross uttered that boast, it was meant as more than just a Bawse-ly metaphor. Because big homie and his buddy DJ Khaled got such skills from the stripe, they recently won $120,000 in a free-throw contest. See also: Rick Ross…

Baseball fans across the country should be dancing in the streets. Major League Baseball’s head honcho, Bud Selig, will finally retire. Last week, Selig announced he’s calling it quits after 22 years of driving America’s pastime into the ground. He leaves behind a tarnished legacy. Under the 79-year-old Milwaukee-born commissioner’s…

Poison in the Parks Deadly oversight: Your report on former toxic ash sites around Miami (“Toxic Tales,” David Villano, September 26) makes it clear the city has ignored this problem for years. There are consequences: My neighbor in the Grove died of pancreatic cancer. She was a teacher at Carver…

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke exposes the biggest fail in Major League Baseball. Baseball fans across the country should be dancing in the…

For the past decade and a half, a cluster of A-list celebrities, including Lady Gaga, Gloria Estefan, LMFAO, and other stars of the ilk, super models, and all ’round glamorous people have walked past the velvet ropes and black doors of Score. While the hot spot will be throwing its…

Welcome to The Weeknd’s Kiss Land. It is a glitteringly cold, irreversibly twisted, bleakly sexy netherworld where we’re “all faded off the wrong thing” and we “gotta pay with [our bodies].” You know, a lot like Miami. There is a “room where the kisses ain’t free.” (But the Adderall cocktails…