Editorial Voice

Tarot cards predict vampires, Ikea orgies, and a crabs pandemic for 2010

Andre Dawson was a National League rookie of the year. He hit the cycle, walked a record number of times in a game, and the friggin Montreal Expos retired his number. He won the MVP even though his team finished in last place. He is a legend, and now he…

We’re nearly a week into 2010 and thus far no cubaneo? Well, I simply can’t abide that. And neither should you. Which is exactly why Crossfade’s hooking you up with a track straight off Rumberos de la 8’s self-titled debut. Technically, los Rumberos’ members hail from both Cuba and Puerto…

“It’s the story of your life, and the end of it’s your death, and every word that’s in between is just a waste of breath.” – SubhumansTheir rotting, worm ridden flesh fills the air with the stench of death, but we just can’t help cracking the casket on our favorite…

A new year, a new chance to take a look at the local music/nightlife blogosphere. At the end of 2009, things looked bleak — many blogs had been neglected or completely abandoned. Maybe the new year will push people back towards it. Here are three sites worth checking out.*If you’re…

While some people just don’t get that the wave of fan videos is unstoppable — hello Fontainebleau on New Year’s Eve, and the entire Universal Music Group — other bands have welcomed that kind of participation and sharing from the beginning. People have been trading concert tapes since the technology…

Less than an hour after midnight New Year’s Eve, a bullet fell from the sky and plunged into the chest of a 6-year-old Italian tourist hanging out in the Design District with his family. City leaders were horrified and immediately set about to help the victim: Miami’s good image. OK, OK,…

An election in Allapattah means accusations of monkey business abound.Mike Suarez, one of nine candidates in a winner-take-all special election January 12 to replace former City of Miami Commissioner Angel Gonzalez, claims two city workers broke election laws while campaigning for frontrunner Wilfredo “Willy” Gort over the Christmas holiday.”It’s an…

Blowfly With Jacuzzi Boys and Mr. Entertainment and the PookiesmackersSaturday, January 2, 2010The Monterey Club, Fort LauderdaleBetter Than: Rotten fish cunnilingus.The Review:Happy New Year! Out with the old, in with the new. Right? Not at the Monterey Club Saturday night. The new was in, no doubt about it, but the…

Nothing like some uber-potent fresh-squeezed moronic behavior to make a hungover writer’s job easier. Last night Bow Wow — the crap-tastic rapper who insists he is no longer “Lil'” — flew into Miami, the nation’s undisputed celebrity-drunk-driving capitol, and drove his Lamborghini while trashed. With Chris Brown, whose very presence increases this…

In this 21st century world where even your grandmother’s getting busy with the Facebooks, MySpacies, and Ashley Madisons, there’s something mysterious and exotic and enticing about a young lady who can’t be found anywhere on the interweb. So when a fanboy asks Google, Who is Diamond Hymen?, and gets absolutely…

Made My Day Role model: You wrote an excellent piece about Clint Eastwood (“Go Ahead, Make My Decade,” Scott Foundas, December 24). Mr. Eastwood is a brilliant man. He is a huge role model and an inspiration to everyone around. He is a special man that is truly blessed. Every…

Golden Beach Mayor Glenn Singer says he has no intention of dumping town manager Alexander Diaz, who was recently arrested in Miami Beach for driving under the influence of alcohol. At least not until Singer gets back from vacation next week. “I don’t have all the facts yet,” Singer told Banana Republican…

​Golden Beach Town Manager Alexander Diaz was a very naughty boy this past December 25. Miami Beach police officers arrested the 31-year-old small city bureaucrat for driving under the influence of alcohol. According to the arrest report, Diaz attempted to drive off in his gray BMW SUV after informing one…

Sweet Bronco with The Pretty Faces, A Hunters Pace, and Retrocities Saturday, December 26, 2009 Propaganda, Lake Worth Better Than: John Elway and John Wayne dodging ponies as rodeo clowns. As Sweet Bronco rocked the stage at Propaganda Saturday night, people were moved in various ways: Some shouted “Yeehaw!”, most…

There was a time, often called “childhood,” when catching your unmarried moms making out with a fat, bearded guy in a red suit would’ve been a wonderful development of the most Christmassy proportions. Who’d have thought that Santa could be your stepdad? No one. And yet, here was the chubby…

South Florida’s hapless idiots are a tireless bunch. And since moronic behavior doesn’t take a week off for the holidays, we, your diligent Nimwit-Chasing I-Team, have to work overtime to keep up. We’re keeping it short this week, though — a shot glass full of Bacardi 151-strength moron-elixir to help…

‘Tis the season to mock the poor fruitcake, arguably the most disrespected comestible of all time.”There is nothing dangerous about fruitcakes as long as people send them along without eating them.” ~Calvin Trillin”Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them.”…

Last night, Banana Republican settled into bed with a nice cup of eggnog and holiday gingerbread cookies while indulging in one of my favorite past times — cracking up at the expense of the rubes who end up on the Epic Fail blog. I came across this early Christmas present for…

Dim Sum at HakkasanStarting January 2, Hakkasan will be offering Dim Sum for lunch every Saturday and Sunday.  Menu is still being finalized, but count on the famed steamed dumplings, and some deep fried congee, too. The first service of the year will be something of a practice run. Prices…

Miami’s Planning Advisory Board member Paul Mann is calling out the city commission. This past December 17, commissioners Frank Carrollo, Marc Sarnoff and Francis Suarez signed off on a plan to convert vacant city-owned park land at NW 14th Ave and 61st Street into residential units.The property is next door…

Santa’s gift: a hoochie