Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke talks about the lack of respect for his accomplishments It’s humbling when your peers show appreciation for the…
Late last month, an ebony-haired Miami bikini model twice materialized on the cover of the New York Daily News. “Match.con,” the first headline screamed beside a picture of Yuliana Avalos posing languidly in a brown bathing suit. The next day was even more salacious: “Death Match,” the cover bellowed. Both…
Nelson Mandela’s passing today makes me profoundly and horribly sad. He was a great man who suffered for his people during decades in prison. He was a brilliant orator who inspired a generation. He was a true hero in an era when we have painfully few. As I write this,…
Bon App�tit Magazine, you’ve changed. You aren’t as serious as you used to be. You’re using words like “awesome” in your headlines. You’re writing about Jay-Z and Beyonce’s vegan pledge. You made Dorito bread (?). And then when people threw shade at you for making Dorito bread, you posted a…
Whenever a celebrity athlete is accused of sexually assaulting a woman, it doesn’t take long for the media machine to declare him guilty. It’s happening to Florida State University star quarterback Jameis Winston, who stands accused of raping a Tampa Bay-area woman December 7, 2012. The alleged victim, who attended…
People Loved Our People Issue! Wanna nestle in her bosom: Love, love this article (“Lady Casa, PLUR Mama,” Kat Bein, November 21). “PLUR Mama” means more than just go-go dancing and sharing kandi bracelets. Lady Casa is a rave veteran who doesn’t mind sharing higher consciousness with others — helping…
Call it irony. On the single biggest day in Miami’s visually stunning history, as Art Basel begins and the Perez Art Museum opens on the bay, media announces a three-tower, 2-million-square-foot giant on the Miami River. Complaints have been lodged about naming the city’s art museum after the magnanimous Related…
[Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] Here’s what you need to know about Robert Sylvester Kelly: He’s the fucking best. At singing. At wearing masks. At making videos of himself having sex. All of it. And so…
Starbucks has a secret menu. If that fact alone doesn’t blow your mind, the items on it most certainly will. We’re talking Willy Wonka Frappuccinos, chai cookie lattes, and Pixy Stix refreshers. It’s the stuff that sugar addicts’ dreams are made of. Though this isn’t an entirely new phenomenon (or…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke comes to the defense of a superstar college quarterback in Tallahassee. Whenever a celebrity athlete gets accused of…
As the disco ball spun and twinkled across the main ballroom to Modern English’s “I Melt With You,” dudes in blowouts, couples in puffy pink prom dresses and white suits, and Jon Bon Jovi doppelgangers got Footloose and partied like it was 1987. An arc of red, white, and yellow…
Time to arrest Jameis Winston. Despite the FSU football star and Heisman Trophy favorite’s claim that he had consensual sex with an unnamed girl, Tallahassee police and prosecutors have dawdled long enough. As you probably know, FSU’s football team climbed to number one in the nation this morning and will…
Courtesy of UniversalSheaface. [Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] The biggest concern in my life recently is that every show on my DVR is the regular definition version, rather than the high definition version. As you can…
This Thanksgiving, members of the “tribe” will experience a phenomenon that won’t (thankfully — pun intended) occur for the next 70,000 years. On Thursday, November 28, Thanksgiving and Hanukkah collide. This holiday-in-a-holiday has created a whirlwind of strange new pseudowords and souvenir items that mesh both occasions — with tragicomical…
It’s no secret that Miami is the party capital of the South, but the charm of our hardcore rep comes from the diversity of our party scene. For the uhntz-uhntz junkie who’s into poppin’ bottles of Hennessy, picking up European models, and pricey covers, you have the flashy streets of…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Typhoon Haiyan has killed thousands and left millions homeless in the Philippines. There’s a way to help. Miami’s Filipino community asks you to contribute. Here are some South Florida events. There’ll be a Thanksgiving Day service at noon at the NANAY Community Center, 659 NE 125th St. Call 305 981-3232…
Stacey Mattocks is suing Black Entertainment Television over a Facebook fan page that she thinks is worth much more than $147,600, according to federal court papers filed yesterday. The Miramar resident is the creator of a page for a TV program called The Game, which “follows the lives of professional…
On August 1, 1947, white police officers evicted 35 black families from a Miami neighborhood so the city could create a park for whites. Rain destroyed the families’ possessions. A black newspaper called the evictions from the Railroad Shop Colored Addition “an act of total disregard,” and one of the…
Return of Con Kid Just imagine: Regarding the cover story about South Florida con man Jimmy Sabatino (“The Don of Con,” Terrence McCoy, November 14): He is a relative dope and managed to pull this off. Imagine how much crap Wall Street and the government are getting away with. Stan…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Today, Luke basks in his candidate’s victory. Miami’s African American community did something historic last night, electing the youngest city commissioner…
One Direction [Editor’s Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning scribe and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times.] Last week, I wrote about why One Direction’s “This Is My Story” sucks. Usually, whenever one of these pieces goes up (and they go up often), I get a…
