MP3: UltraChic* – “Labios de Diamante”

​Since I was born and raised in Caracas, Venezuela, it gives me great pleasure and pride to see the work of UltraChic*, a band based out of Miami but hailing from my homeland. The group continues to soldier on with a rock and roll racket that pays plenty of respect…

Former Miami Commissioner Miller Dawkins Was a Hero

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke remembers Miami Commissioner Miller Dawkins, who died early this month. One of Miller Dawkins’s legacies is Charles…

Snooki Assaults Obama in Weird Taiwanese Animation

NMA News, a Taiwanese news organization, has begun explaining America to its viewers through the use of wacky CGI animation. We’re not sure how the animations help Taiwanese viewers understand the ridiculousness of American pop culture, but they sure do make for great viral videos. The latest edition takes aim…

Blast From the Past: The Pink Lincolns – Sumo Fumes

Pink LincolnsSumo Fumes(Stiff Pole Records)www.stiffpolerecords.com In honor of Richard “Big Stiff” Konwinski, who passed this past July in Tampa, I’ll be juggling between the County Grind and Crossfade blogs doing my Blast From the Past thing on the record label that he founded, Stiff Pole Records. In my opinion, it…

Overrated Eats: Versailles

Frommer’s “highly recommends” Versailles, touting it as “a glorified diner,” where Cuban exiles meet over a cafécito. Travelers on TripAdvisor have awarded it four stars, hail it as the best Cuban food in town. But is it really?Anyone who visits Miami is automatically pointed toward Versailles as the place to…

Miami’s Own Adnan Shukrijumah Becomes Osama’s Lieutenant

I was wrong. Seven years ago, at the Iraq War’s start, I wrote a column expressing skepticism about the Bush administration’s claim that Adnan Shukrijumah of Miramar was a top terrorist. Earlier today, reports leaked from the FBI that Shukrijumah has become Osama Bin Laden’s top man on global terrorism. Shukrijumah…

Luke’s Gospel Propels Elena Kagan to Supreme Court

Turns out Luke’s Gospel is indeed the word, the truth we all seek. Miami New Times columnist Luther Campbell penned an opinion piece on Elena Kagan, which was cited by several national media outlets, including Vanity Fair, Rolling Stone, Wall Street Journal, and Fox News. Next thing you know she’s…

Jersey Shore Damage Report: Love Guido-Style and Magical Glasses

Last night on Jersey Shore, the cast continued to wreck havoc on the previously sleepy little island known as Miami Beach. Ronnie the shaved gorilla struggled with newly developing human emotions and even harder-to-grasp basic human logic. Meanwhile, Angelina the rat scurried about the house, tried desperately to avoid being…

Sex + Cuban Food = Great Fun

What do you get when you cross ropa vieja and sex toys? You get this sign on Biscayne Boulevard at 115th Street next to Three Palms Cuban Cafe. The friendly, airy joint is next door to a sex toy shop. To Short Order, this just might be the perfect combo…

Do Companies Deserve Tax Breaks For Junk Food Ads Aimed At Kids?

Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) sure doesn’t think so. The courageous congressman should be applauded for having introduced legislation aimed at preventing businesses from writing off advertising of junk food targeted towards children. Specifically, congressional measure HR 4310 would prohibit any company from claiming a tax deduction for expenses derived from…

Overrated Eats: Barton G’s Circus

We were not surprised when it was announced that Barton G would be opening a restaurant, Prelude by Barton G, at the Adrienne Arsht center. He is a true showman and his original restaurant Barton G. is more reminiscent of a circus act than a fine dining establishment. It is…

Marc Sarnoff’s Office Staff Just Got Smaller

Bert Gonzalez and David Karsh have left their jobs with Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff to work for the city’s community redevelopment agencies. The personnel changes come after Sarnoff and Commissioner Richard Dunn II abandoned a controversial proposal to use $105,000 in taxpayer money meant for alleviating blight in Overtown and…

Blast From the Past: The Pink Lincolns – Sumo Fumes 2

(Stiff Pole Records) www.stiffpolerecords.com In honor of Richard “Big Stiff” Konwinski, who passed this past July in Tampa, I’ll be juggling between the County Grind and Crossfade blogs doing my Blast From the Past thing on the record label that he founded, Stiff Pole Records. In my opinion, it came to…