No Age Made Sweatstock a Happy Pit

Sweatstock’s sweatiest moment came at the end. By the time noise-punk duo No Age finally stumbled onstage around 9 p.m., the crowd was bigger, drunker, and more chaotic than it had been all day. Fans of every kind packed a pit bounded by NE 2nd Ave., Sweat Records’ north-facing façade,…

Suge Knight Needs to Give Up

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for New Times. This week, Luke takes on Marion “Suge” Knight’s $1 million lawsuit against Kanye West and South Beach’s Shore Club, which was recently…

Will We Soon Be Permitted to Masturbate in Movie Theaters Too?

So the new Paragon movie theater that’s due to open in Coconut Grove this June will permit patrons to bring cocktails. Great. We already have a situation where going to the theater entails having to sit among food-obsessed Americans noisily stuffing their bloated faces with popcorn because of an utter inability…

Basketball Wives: Happy Birthday, I Got You My Thrusting Vagina!

We’re only two episodes into Basketball Wives, and I’m pretty sure this entire series is about two things: hefty promotion for the Miami restaurants and clubs that allow the cast to film, and the drama caused by Royce Reed’s constant cooch gooshing.Yes, MIA on Biscayne and Philippe Chow’s Philippe Restaurant…

Is Kale the Next Big Food Trend?

Short Order has noticed more and more kale popping up on menus all over Miami. We are wondering why this slightly bitter vegetable, in the cabbage family, is suddenly so popular. Is kale the next big food trend?…

Next Restaurants Due at The Shops at Midtown Miami

We checked in with Developers Diversified, the folks in charge, among other things, of stocking Miami’s fastest growing neighborhood with new restaurants, to see what was coming up. The spokesperson let us know that they were “excited to announce the opening of Egyptian Pizza Kitchen and Hurricane Grill & Wings…

The Irony of Buckets For The Cure at KFC

In the midst of launching one of the most notorious sandwiches in fast food history, the Double Down, KFC is balancing all of that fried chicken, cheese and bacon with a good cause. From now until May 23, KFC is launching Buckets For The Cure. This program, in conjunction with…

Food Arts Magazine: Clueless In Miami

Looks like Food & Wine isn’t the only national culinary magazine that has trouble locating Miami on the map. The latest issue of Food Arts (April 2010), a glossy industry publication “at the restaurant and hotel forefront”, reports two exciting new Miami restaurant openings: Pacific Time debuted in the Design…

One Down, Two To Go In North Bay Village

Oscar Alfonso (right) and Joe Geller (center) lost their hand-picked city manager Matthew Schwartz (left).​This past Tuesday night, a coup went down in North Bay Village. The city commission voted 3-2 to fire city Manager Matthew Schwartz. Before he left the city commission meeting, Schwartz addressed the audience. “I wish…

Letters from the Issue of April 15, 2010

Dance with Death Spine-tingling: Incredible writing (“Dead at Dawn,” Natalie O’Neill, April 8). Reading this sent chills down my neck with each sentence. Powerful, powerful stuff. We live in such a simultaneously beautiful and violent city. Ryan An American tragedy: An extraordinary piece of writing. This is what journalism used…

Luke Says Baseball Replaces Blacks With Dominicans

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke claims Major League Baseball has a plan to phase out African-American players and replace them with black…

Jersey Shore Not Welcomed at Mansion

So we stumble across this image, courtesy of World Red Eye, of Mansion’s current marquee declaring “PER NIK RICHIE & THEDIRTY.COM NO JERSEY SHORE ALLOWED AT MANSION MIAMI.” Nik Richie and TheDirty.com is, according to the website, “the world’s first reality blogger” — whatever that fucking means. Richie writes on…

Mixtape of the Week: Webbz – God’s Plan

Webbz brings the long awaited God’s Plan project to life. Its technically a mixtape, but most definitely sounds and plays out more like a street album. And with Dade Dilla, Midus and God himself serving as executive producers – God’s Plan has some of Webbz’s best work yet.The mixtape starts…

MP3 of the Day: Panic Bomber Discipline EP Remixes

Last week, we raved about Panic Bomber’s latest effort, Discipline, calling it his best work to date. If you haven’t heard it, do it so now. After that, thank Richard Haig and YYZ Records who have made the Discipline EP Remixes a free download.None of the reworkings match the catchy…