Sweet Bronco with The Pretty Faces, A Hunters Pace, and Retrocities Saturday, December 26, 2009 Propaganda, Lake Worth Better Than: John Elway and John Wayne dodging ponies as rodeo clowns. As Sweet Bronco rocked the stage at Propaganda Saturday night, people were moved in various ways: Some shouted “Yeehaw!”, most…
There was a time, often called “childhood,” when catching your unmarried moms making out with a fat, bearded guy in a red suit would’ve been a wonderful development of the most Christmassy proportions. Who’d have thought that Santa could be your stepdad? No one. And yet, here was the chubby…
South Florida’s hapless idiots are a tireless bunch. And since moronic behavior doesn’t take a week off for the holidays, we, your diligent Nimwit-Chasing I-Team, have to work overtime to keep up. We’re keeping it short this week, though — a shot glass full of Bacardi 151-strength moron-elixir to help…
‘Tis the season to mock the poor fruitcake, arguably the most disrespected comestible of all time.”There is nothing dangerous about fruitcakes as long as people send them along without eating them.” ~Calvin Trillin”Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them.”…
Last night, Banana Republican settled into bed with a nice cup of eggnog and holiday gingerbread cookies while indulging in one of my favorite past times — cracking up at the expense of the rubes who end up on the Epic Fail blog. I came across this early Christmas present for…
Dim Sum at HakkasanStarting January 2, Hakkasan will be offering Dim Sum for lunch every Saturday and Sunday. Menu is still being finalized, but count on the famed steamed dumplings, and some deep fried congee, too. The first service of the year will be something of a practice run. Prices…
Miami’s Planning Advisory Board member Paul Mann is calling out the city commission. This past December 17, commissioners Frank Carrollo, Marc Sarnoff and Francis Suarez signed off on a plan to convert vacant city-owned park land at NW 14th Ave and 61st Street into residential units.The property is next door…
Santa’s gift: a hoochie
Letters from the issue of December 24, 2009
Whenever the web seems to have reached its peak of weirdness, the whole thing whirlpools into entirely new dimensions of the bizarre, revealing secret worlds where you can watch celebrity breakdowns streamed live, read first-round NBA draft picks suicide tweets, or even e-shop for shrunken human heads. One of the…
Ronda Vangates was once caught up in one of the worst scandals of Rudy Crew’s tenure as Miami-Dade County Public Schools superintendent. Today, the 38-year-old school district bureaucrat is the anointed successor to board member Solomon Stinson, who has decided not to run for re-election. That’s politics in the nation’s…
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released its long anticipated happiness ratings last week. The study, using data collected from 1.3 million people across the country over the past four years, found that the happiest folks tended to live in states with a high quality of life. No surprise…
Last time So You Think You Can Dance held auditions in Miami, they found their winner: 18-year-old Pinecrest resident Jeanine Mason. For the seventh season, the inexplicably popular televised dance-off will again come searching for talent in the 305. So, if um.. you think you can dance, then gather up your dance…
The rent has skyrocketed eightfold. The onetime flophouse has been painted and transformed into pricey condos. A shabby sign that once read, “Vacancy — Lowest Rates — Beach Facilities — Always a Seabreeze,” has been replaced by a pretty picture peddling a $7 million residence. The beachside hotel where two…
We’ve been hit with a cold front, and if you’re like Riptide, your office is about as cozy as a gulag right now. But that’s OK, because this week’s batch of morons has a MWQ (Moronic Wattage Quotient) powerful enough to heat a three-story building. Throw on a Christmas sweater…
The incoming president of the county firefighters union, Dominick Barbera, is demonstrating a terrible lack of ethics in his personal feud with Miami-Dade Fire Rescue Chief Herminio Lorenzo. This past December 9, sent Lorenzo an audaciously snarky letter mocking the chief’s proposal to require all county firefighters to report traffic…
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.””Well, tell me!” the man said.The policeman said, “We have some…
“You see this knob? It’s precious to a lineman, especially when it gets real busy, cause you’re struggling to turn everything on. They come right off see? One thing cooks will do just to mess with each other is steal em’, and hide em’. I remember being in a kitchen…
With less than a month to go in Miami’s upcoming special election for the two city commission seats left open by the removal Michelle Spence-Jones and Angel Gonzalez, some of the candidates are relying on their own cash rather than hitting up people for campaign contributions.Miguel Gabela and Waldo Faura…
Study Up FMU is just fine: I am very familiar with Florida Memorial University, which was described in “Crime 101” (Gus Garcia-Roberts, December 10). I know wonderful things happen on campus, yet I never see news coverage. Is there a conspiracy to destroy the only black university in South Florida?…
Despite its seemingly official, compendious name, the Mexican Institute of Sound is not some sprawling, south-of-the-border government entity all about the science of airwaves and eardrums. In fact, the Institute’s only got one member — Mexico City cratedigger-slash-EMI exec Camilo Lara — and he mostly studies the art of shaking…
Alright, I promise this will be the last Miami Music Festival post for a while. But in case you wanted to see what you missed — because you missed it, didn’t you? — check out these YouTube clips of a few choice performances. First, I’ll post a few from Saturday…
