¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? The Best Late-Night Snacks

I like an afterparty as much I like playing Ms. Pacman. But, just like Ms. Pacman, afterparties have no ending. I love Ms. Pacman, but level after level, ghost after ghost — they just keep on, until I die. Afterparties are cool but hour after hour, smoke after smoke –…

Letters from the Issue of January 15, 2009

Iranian Agent Bingo She lies: I don’t for a second believe any of Shahrzad Mir Gholikhan’s lies as described in Deirdra Funcheon’s January 8 story, “The Agent from Iran.” She was a translator — she knew exactly what was being said. These terrorists get away with murder all the time…

Hookah Big One

With a long plastic tube, a Swiss Army knife, and a highlighter, a six-foot five-inch 19-year-old named Big Fern can produce an apparatus that not only yields euphoria but also has the potential to do something truly miraculous: make a bag of Funyuns taste delicious. “Building a bong is easy,”…

Make Me a Supermodel Returns with a Miami Catwalker

We haven’t been watching much Bravo since the last (and final?) season of Project Runway, but sort-of-vain local chef Jeff is still in the running on Top Chef. Now he’ll have another Miami native joining him on the cable channel. Meet Laury, a 23-year-old “freelance model” who was born and…

Miami According to Brooklyn: Listen to Your Elders

To read past installments of Miami According to Brooklyn, click here. I want to talk this week about how the younger generation has no respect for the older generation. The younger kids coming up have no respect for the people who have been there, done that sort of thing. I…

Video: DJ Laz Talkin’ Shit at the Miami Tattoo Expo 2009

Check out this official exclusive video footage of DJ Laz backstage of the Miami Tattoo Expo 2009 before he hits the stage to perform, hangin’ out with Reality Kings Media (Miami reality porn originators), talking about doing commercials for lawyers, and makin’ “Jewish money.”…

Meet Rebecca Wakefield, Political Operative

Times are really hard for ink-stained wretches in the musky Banana Republic we call Miami-Dade County. With the Miami Herald on the selling block and more layoffs expected early this year, MAP fizzling out, the ever-shrinking Miami SunPost, and even the bloodletting at New Times, being a local print journalist…

¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? Jose Goes Camping

To get an introduction to Jose El Rey (if you actually need one!) and to read previous installments of his weekly Crossfade column, Que Pasa, M.I.A?, click here. Against my better judgment and sense of comfort and convenience, I went camping. Into the woods. Into the night. With fire. And…

Letters from the Issue of January 8, 2009

No Sympathy for the Piggies Naive city slickers: I was a bit disappointed at the slant Natalie O’Neill took in her December 25 article “Hog Huntin’.” It portrayed hunters as an irresponsible bunch with zero morality. The truth is there are as many types of hunters as there are people…

Throwback Tuesdays: The Impacts – “Ft. Lauderdale”

Probably the only surf-rock song nearly everyone recognizes is “Wipe Out!” (if you really need a reminder, click here). And the version with which people are familiar is that done in 1963 by the Surfaris, a California quartet still making bank on the nostalgia circuit today. By all accounts, pretty…

How Low Can You Go DJ Laz?

Seriously DJ Laz, are you that hard up for cash that you’re resorting to doing awful local commercials for personal injury lawyers based on popular courtroom shows and Jerry Springer? There is a reason radio personalities go into the unseen medium. “Pimp with the Limp,” stay off my TV screen…

Introducing Subterranean Finds, a New Crossfade Album Review Column

The last thing the world needs is another rant by some snooty music scribe who actually believes he can peg the next Coldplay or validate some MySpace wannabe. Don’t worry; yours truly doesn’t make any such presumptions. You won’t find any holier-than-thou prognostications here — just good new sounds worth…

South Florida Makes Big, Queer Reality TV Show History

In the event that you’ve had better things to do than watch MTV deteriorate into a steaming sewer of reality programming, you may have missed South Florida’s double-time queer cast previewed on Real World Brooklyn. The show’s 21st season premiers January 7 and will follow its first-ever transgender character -…

¿Que Pasa, M.I.A.? New Year’s Resolutions

To read past installments of ¿Que Pasa, M.I.A?, click here. Trying to make a New Year’s resolution stick is like trying to get all your friends to call you by a self-appointed nickname. (Dudes, bro, from now on call me  Shatterstar. ) This year, I’m gonna buckle down and really…

Letters from the Issue of January 1, 2009

Ignoring the Facts The writer sucks: Tim Elfrink’s December 18 piece “Black October” is a one-sided and misleading characterization of the events of 2003 in Bolivia. The deaths and injuries associated with these events were indeed tragic and regrettable, but Mr. Elfrink’s effort to blame all of this on the…

Local Motion: Ultrachic – Ultrachic

UltrachicUltrachic (Self-released)www.myspace.com/ultrachicUltrachic stand on a weird crossroad bridge where they sonically span the golden years of Venezuelan rock (Sentimiento Muerto, Dermis Tatu, Desorden Público) with the newer bloods who continue to make the racket (Zapato 3, Los Amigos Invisibles, Caramelos de Cianuro). The funny thing is, Ultrachic bass player Luis…