Miam-uh has bent the South Beach Wine & Food Festival to its will; in only five years, the event has morphed from a one-day, academically affiliated, kitchen-rich conference for the cuisine world’s crème de la crème into a 100-hour party of consumption — conspicuous and otherwise. Yet those fortunate enough…
He never did it. No way. No how. Miami Police Chief John Timoney contends he couldn’t have said, “Fuck the Cubans,” on February 12 at 1:00 a.m. at a party sponsored by Ocean Drive magazine. Since New Times reported the quote in a February 16 The Bitch column, the chief…
G-String Hypocrisy A brief history of strip clubs: As a confirmed Libertarian, I have to applaud Forrest Norman’s article “Booze Ban in Babylon” (February 16) about my city’s all too obvious hypocrisy. To not allow booze in an establishment where women are paid to be outrageous and yet allow it…
Flash back to Art Basel 2003. On NE 37th Street and Biscayne Boulevard, a thirteen-foot mural of a nude posterior view, emphasis on the derrire, appeared on a wall. Tan, with her blond hair in a bun, the female subject personified the lyrics of Sir Mix-a-Lot (“That when a girl…
Chief Complaint Never, ever happened: It came to my attention there were quotes in The Bitch’s story “Never, or Then” (February 16) that were attributed to me which I did not say. These comments (which I did not make) were derogatory to the Cuban community and may damage the relations…
It is rare for The Bitch to close down any party, let alone one thrown by Ocean Drive, but when the lights came on this past Saturday at the St. Regis Hotel in Bal Harbour, the dog was happy to find her tail wagging right next to Miami Police Chief…
Our Lord Calling Well, maybe not: Regarding “Jesus Redux” by Mariah Blake (February 9): Creciendo en Gracia/Growing in Grace is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. I have respect for all religions, but the rants and lifestyle of this group’s leader, José Luis De Jesus Miranda, is absurd. The…
The Bitch has a confession to make: Since Poplife abandoned I/O for the District some months ago, the club has dropped from her party peregrinations. Although rodent-chasing possibilities abound in the gnarly field-cum-parking-lot near the NE Fourteenth Street club, it’s not worth sidestepping cockroaches and crack vials to listen to…
Seedy Prose But smart editor: In response to Chuck Strouse’s February 2 column, “Bad Seeds”: Bravo. I don’t wish anything bad upon anyone’s children, but I do want to extend to Mr. Strouse congratulations because the piece was written exceptionally well. I hope he gets some award for the investigative…
Welcome, damas and caballeros, to Miami New Times’s first annual Bad Seed Awards ceremony here at the gleaming new — though still incomplete — $446 million downtown performing arts center. Among our fine crop of contestants are the sons and daughters of Miami’s most notable people. In fact all the…
Web Wallow It’s getting better, bucko: The new layout of your Website blows. I realize it was a decision made by the corporate people, but now almost all New Times Websites are essentially unusable. Tell me, does anyone really click on any of those banner ads that are now so…
Kill, Kill, Kill But please, not the messenger: Emily Witt’s January 12 article “The Few, the Proud …” was interesting. I assure you, however, that the Marines did not show you what actually happens in recruit training. Deprivation of the use of the first person is more than not being…
The scene was supposed to be strictly bookish a recent Wednesday evening at the Luna Star Café. One of a series of literary salons the café (775 NE 125th St., North Miami) offers from time to time, the night was devoted to poetry and musical interludes. About 60 people packed…
Gossip
Superheroes Go Baghdad Leaps tall buildings in a single joke: I read Rebecca Swift’s letter about sending nuclear waste to Iran, “Some Joke, Dudette” (January 12). Sirs, I am outraged! Ms. Swift has not thought through all the consequences of her terrible, dark plan! If we dump nuclear waste in…
Managua, Querida Goin’ to the iglesia, and we’re gonna get …: I want to thank Francisco Alvarado for his article, “Soy Nicaragüense” (January 5). While reading it, I found myself becoming more and more emotional. What Francisco felt I have felt every single time I have gone back to my…
Ten years ago, while living in a civilized country (Belgium), The Bitch read a book by Coerte V.W. Felske called The Shallow Man. In what the tome-loving hound took to be outrageous, over-the-top hyperbole, Shallow’s protagonist Nick Laws is depicted as a party promoter driven to bed supermodels (which he…
The Bitch regrets everything about 2005, regrets it the way the recently RIPped Stan “Tookie” Williams regrets saying he didn’t much care for The Terminator movies. Thus she is all wags and wiggles in greeting 2006 — and so far, at least The Year of the Dog has not disappointed,…
Yeah, Uh-huh Unmitigated impudence is what we live for: In response to the comic strip “Get Your War On” in the December 1 issue: It says, “Which Iraqis are you gonna ask?… The old ladies who won’t stop yelling about how we accidentally killed their kids?” I do not believe…
Stephen Kopczynski’s encounter with homelessness began this past summer as an exercise in self-actualization. The 49-year-old native New Yorker who works in Miami-Dade and Broward counties as an air conditioner repairman enrolled in a class at The Forum, the most recent incarnation of the mind-control indoctrination cult once called est…
Bird Brains Can be enormous, you cuckoo: Just a note to thank you for including my recent winter vacation plans in your column “The Bitch” (December 22). The visit was, sadly, short-lived, but still just the thing I needed to lift my spirits. Ever heard of Seasonal Affected Disorder, commonly…
When The Bitch schedules her peregrinations around South Beach to include three parties and some holiday shopping, it is not possible to be fabulously late to each soiree. Paws need to hit the buffet table at the early end of the 7:00-to-10:00 p.m. spectrum if The Bitch is going to…
