Since learning of her fascination with the Mathletes characters in the movie Mean Girls, real Mathletes from around Miami have been ringing The Bitch’s phone off the hook with reports of their true-life abacus adventures. In fact some middle school geniuses represented well for Miami-Dade in the state finals of…
One Secret to Success Don’t lose your head amid the glitz and glam: Brett Sokol did a fine job with his “Kulchur” column about Ocean Drive magazine (“Ocean Thrive,” March 10). He captured the essence of it. And Michael Shavalier’s art direction on the cover was hilarious, one of the…
The video for Trick Daddy’s current remix hit Sugar is in heavy rotation on MTV. While T Double D hams it up as a candy store owner (slyly telling a young customer a pack of Jawbreakers costs “fitty cent”), Lil’ Kim mugs adorable with her Maltese puppy, and Fat Joe…
Call it a journalistic moment of clarity. Code 33 was unspooling to a packed theater during last month’s Miami International Film Festival, and the bulk of the audience’s groans and verbal cringes should have been reserved for the documentary’s main subject: the serial rapist who preyed upon Little Havana during…
For someone about to be surrounded by a sea of barely clothed models, all preening for his attention, you’d think Glenn Albin would sound a little cheerier. As editor in chief of Ocean Drive, it’s his task to preside over the magazine’s annual Volleypalooza beach volleyball tournament, where teams of…
Now a Word from Elvis Costello And we mean that literally: Thanks to Mosi Reeves for trying — I guess. I’m sure his chat with Elvis Costello (“Mighty Like a Rose,” March 3) was far more discursive than his editors would allow him to replicate in print, but his alluding…
It’s the Cat’s Meow Dance-music coverage was scarce as hen’s teeth, but hope springs eternal when you take the bull by the horns and think outside the box — so I’m tickled pink: Wow! Mosi Reeves managed to write an article about the dance-music scene here in Miami (“Building a…
From the four-footed perspective, it seemed as if this past weekend’s South Beach Wine & Food Festival went woofingly well, particularly in regard to how the Grand Tasting tents were organized. In fact, for a dog, this was kind of like heaven: You got to walk around on the beach…
Miami inventor Ronald Paramore had a heavenly vision about women’s underclothes, and it wasn’t courtesy of the Victoria’s Secret angels. “This came in a dream,” Paramore says of his recently patented creation. He had been working construction when he lost his job. “I got laid off, right around Christmas. I…
Garrison Keillor Is God Which is why I pray at the altar of WLRN: I disagree vehemently with the columnist who shares her name with the description of a female dog (“The Bitch”). I find much to enjoy about WLRN-FM (91.3) and the shows she cited in her February 17…
In a state of unharmonic convergence possible perhaps only in Miami Beach, the promotional tour for Yehuda Berg’s The Red String Book: The Power of Protection brought its Kabbalistic babble to the China Grill (a.k.a. The Forge with windows) on Ash Wednesday. Hilarity ensued. A crowd undoubtedly attracted by the…
So you want to be a rock and roll star? Forget the line about tight pants. “Buy a van,” advises Paul Maroon, guitarist with the New York-based act the Walkmen. Once your record company has stopped footing the bill for swanky hotels and lavish dinners, once the magazine editors stop…
If You Knew Italy Like I Know Italy You probably wouldn’t have been quite so insulting: I am the owner of Tinello Cucina Italiana and I’m writing regarding the recent review of my restaurant by Lee Klein (“Low Prices, Low Prospects,” February 3). I believe everyone is entitled to his…
The Homestead Marlins? You may be laughing now, but… Regarding Forrest Norman’s story about the Homestead Sports Complex (“Strike Three, You’re Out,” February 3), I have an idea: Why don’t the Marlins take over the virtually abandoned ballpark? The 6500-seat stadium may be too small for a major-league team, but…
A Los Angeles entertainment production company has been running classified ads in newspapers across the country, seeking exhibitionistic kooks saddled additionally with addictive personalities for a television documentary series to be called HABITS. The series will chronicle the various misadventures of people battling debilitating obsessions or compulsions. According to the…
“I have been through this,” writes Chilean novelist and playwright Ariel Dorfman in his new essay collection Other Septembers, Many Americas. Indeed for Latin Americans of a particular political stripe, September 11 occupied an ominous slot on the calendar long before 2001. “Ever since that day in 1973 when Chile…
The interview is not going well. We’ve barely begun talking and Argentine director Lucrecia Martel is already staring back at Kulchur with the expression of a woman who’s just swallowed a mouthful of sour milk. “It wasn’t until we finished the script that we contacted Almodóvar,” she insists sharply, referring…
How Unbalanced Was It? So unbalanced it fell right into the union’s lap: The picture painted of Pan American Hospital in Forrest Norman’s article “Blunt Trauma” (January 20) was distorted. Pan American is a 146-bed general acute-care medical center and one of the few remaining not-for-profit hospitals in Miami-Dade County…
Dead Ducks: Murder May the guilty humans meet the same gruesome fate: Francisco Alvarado’s article about the Muscovy ducks being murdered in Doral made me sick (“Foul Duck Death,” January 13). And yes, it is murder. I sincerely hope the bastards who poisoned and gassed those defenseless animals, and the…
The Bitch normally can’t imagine leaving the house on a Saturday morning to spend time in bleary, tan-inducing sunlight, but this past weekend was different. The chills of football fever goaded the canine to pry her eyes from the DVD of Underworld and drive past the cow fields and tribal…
If That Was a Flack Attack… …then we need more of them: It is most unfortunate that, while castigating the Artécity condominium project and DindyCo PR for throwing a great party around an art-show opening, The Bitch neglected to address the real news in her “Condoflage” piece (January 13). The…
If it is nighttime when you read this, go outside and look at the sky. Saturn is the closest it gets to Earth all year — only 750 million miles away, and hangs enormous and golden over the ocean just after sunset. Also, an unexpected, unexplained celestial phenomenon has caused…
