Florida Gov. Rick Scott has been dead serious about cleaning up Florida’s elections. First, he targeted 180,000 suspected ineligible voters to strike from the rolls (though he ended up eliminating only 200 after the Department of Justice stepped in). Then, he severely restricted voter registration and reduced early voting.Yet strangely,…
Tall, slender, and dressed in plaid trousers held up by dark suspenders, Zak Stern of Zak the Baker more closely resembles a character out of a 1930s film than an artisan baker in South Florida. But there’s nothing insincere about his appearance, or his fervent dedication to the craft of…
“What’s your favorite restaurant?” That question, recently batted around at our weekly editorial meeting, got us all thinking. If we had to choose one favorite at gunpoint, what would that restaurant be, and why? Each week, a different Short Order blogger will celebrate his or her favorite eatery — be…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
No, the Miami Beach City Commission has not formally outlawed the Kardashians, but according to a report, the reality TV family may have trouble in their efforts to film another season of one of their various reality shows in Miami Beach. They’re having a hard time finding a home in…
Forget about absentee ballot brokers stealing elections! Forget about county officials stealing from the public till! Forget about the Miami Marlins ball park boondoggle! Irresponsible dog owners are clearly the greatest menace facing our community.A pair of Miami-Dade County commissioners are pushing legislation that would publicly shame assholes who don’t…
Read “Golden Beach Police: Sexual Assault, Kidnapping And Violence.”When Tammy Valdes tried to expose corruption inside the Golden Beach Police Department, town officials responded by firing the ten-year police veteran. One of the excuses the town used to kick her off the small police force on Nov. 30, 2009? That…
Gabby Douglas’s Hairy Situation
DJ Seasunz’s Drug Use Didn’t Make Him a Murderer
Hip-hop is a rich and varied culture. It’s more than just the music, encompassing street art, DJing, fashion, and most definitely dancing. But this ain’t the ’90s, B. In recent years, the music has become mad ig’nant, and the b-boys have followed. Almost every shitty new rap song comes with…
See also “Nicki Minaj ‘Voting For Romney'” and “Obama on Nicki Minaj’s Romney Endorsement.'” Nicki Minaj: rapper, butt-shaker, psychopath, flip-flopper? Well, the YMCMB lady boss insists her political back-and-forthing is just some kind of artistic, lyrical privilege. She’s now claiming that her statement about voting for Mitt Romney was simply…
See also “Obama Salutes Jay-Z at Made in America Fest: ‘He Worked Hard and Plain Refused to Quit.'” He may have come from the bottom of bottom to the Top of the Pops. But the hustler named Shawn Carter doesn’t back blind classicism for the sake of tax-bracket rage, son…
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke wants blacks to stop being so envious and hateful toward one another.We African-Americans are our own worst enemies…
The first dose of cultural reflection Miamians enjoyed en masse was the video Shit Miami Girls Say. It was one of the best imitations of the stereotypical Miami we know and love. Deep down inside, we could all relate to it in some way. But last week, Hialeah’s Finest Kitchen With…
See also “Kanye Raps About Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape, Reveals ‘Dark Twisted [Cuckold] Fantasy.'” The world has been obsessed with Kimye for only about six months. Still, in that short span, this unholy union between two of America’s most dangerous attention-seeking missiles, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, has fueled a…
A lot of rappers get into acting. Some hip-hoppers even try their hand at directing. But not a lot of MCs are making skin flicks. But turns out, Tyga hasn’t made enough money off his huge hit “Rack City.” So he’s turning it into a porn franchise. Hot off getting…
See also “Nicki Minaj ‘Voting For Romney’,” “Nicki Minaj Not Registered to Vote,” and “Nicki Minaj Admits Romney Endorsement Was Total Bullshit.” Unemployment dipped to 8.1 percent in August, according to a recent report by the Labor Department, and Florida’s jobless rate continues to flirt with 9 percent. So when…
Ever since stepping off la esquina, Mr. 305 has harbored deep hopes of becoming Mr. Hollywood. So whenever he hasn’t been too busy honing his craft in Bud Light commercials or buttering up movie biz elites with personalized remixes of the Men in Black III theme, this budding thespian has…
“What’s your favorite restaurant?” That question, recently batted around at our weekly editorial meeting, got us all thinking. If we had to choose one favorite at gunpoint, what would that restaurant be, and why? Each week, a different Short Order blogger will celebrate his or her favorite eatery — be…
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…
Read “Hialeah Gardens Cop Lawrence Perez Shows How Drugs Can Corrupt Police.”A Hialeah Gardens Police detective who was helping his pals rip off marijuana dealers got 151 months in federal prison yesterday. Miami New Times profiled Lawrence Perez in June after a jury found him guilty of two felony counts…
Last night, it was NFL. Today, it’s the MTV Video Music Awards. But are professional football games and Chris Brown’s dance moves really more important than democracy? No … The only thing worth watching on television tonight is the Democratic National Convention. And if you don’t believe us, we’ve got…
