The Music Industry’s Top Ten Corporate Whores

These days, musicians are nothing without high-profile, million-dollar endorsements. You just aren’t a winner unless you’re shilling soda, makeup, electronics, and your own personal brand of booze. Luckily, today’s commercial powerhouses are more entrepreneurial than ever. So they will literally sell anything for the chance to make some extra cash…

Norman Braman Is A Phony

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke goes after the County Commission’s biggest enemy.Car magnate, activist, and billionaire Norman Braman has everyone fooled. He’s not…

Mugshots Friday: The Olympic Spirit

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

J. Lo’s Midlife Crisis on Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown

See also “Madonna’s Midlife Crisis on Video: An Extremely Detailed Breakdown.” J. Lo is freaking out. She’s 43 years old, she just dumped her hubby, and she’s existing in the post-Will.i.am./Lil Jon electro-pop explosion. We’ve all seen what this has done to Madonna. And now the Latin songstress is “Goin’…

The Franchise Episode 3 Recap: Crappy By Committee

Three episodes into The Franchise, shit is already getting all kinds of depressing. After two episodes of ups and downs and HEY LOOK AT OUR NEW STADIUM! wackiness, the Marlins are in a tail spin, out of the playoff hunt, reverting to a closer by committee to cover up Heath Bell’s…

Joe Martinez For Miami-Dade Mayor!

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke makes his picks for Miami-Dade mayor and the county’s black county commission seats.With the August 14 primary election…

Genting Executives Contribute To Incumbent County Commissioners

Read our previous coverage of Genting’s political contributions.The Malaysian gambling conglomerate that wants to build a casino resort on the site of the Miami Herald headquarters believes in county commissioners Audrey Edmonson, Bruno Barreiro, Barbara Jordan and Dennis Moss, the quartet of incumbents who have been targeted for elimination by…

Fiat Makes a Car Espresso Machine

When it was announced that Fiat was bringing its little Italian cars back to the U.S. market, I was excited. Fiat’s blend of sexy chic and utilitarian sensibility truly embodies all things Italian. Besides, it costs thousands of dollars less than the Mini Cooper, another cute import.In an attempt to…

Ten Reasons Romney Is Too Wimpy an Eater To Be President

Of course I’m not saying what a candidate eats should be the sole factor considered by voters when determining the next president of the United States. That would be crazy. Other things are important too — like what he drinks, and economic policy and stuff.But character surely plays a role…

Pepe Billete’s Guide to Partying in Miami

See the full archive of Pepe Billete’s columns here.Last weekend me and the guys at DeadFix.com were cojiendo tremenda perra nota at PeachFuzz, and we started talking about all the mistakes people make when they go out partying in Miami. The conversation was so interesting, that I decided to make…

Mugshots Friday: A Bird Leaves the Flock

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Miami Marlins, Miami Dolphins Give Big To Political Committees

Life on the field has not gone well for Miami’s football and baseball franchises. The Marlins sucked ass during the first half of the season playing inside the team’s sparkling new ball park, which was financed with half-a-billion dollars in taxpayer funds. Meanwhile, the Dolphins organization has been busy during…

Katherine Fernandez Rundle Is No Janet Reno

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke takes on the Miami-Dade state attorney.Katherine Fernandez Rundle is no Janet Reno. Miami-Dade’s top prosecutor, who is a…