Is R. Kelly Ever Going to Trial??

Don’t even get me started on this outfit.

According to this news story, R. Kelly may finally be heading to trial to face charges on child pornography…which is a really spruced up way of saying “this jackass not only peed on a 14-year-old girl then slept with her, he also videotaped it for his own enjoyment,” but that would read really long on a court docket, so they just call it child pornography. Separately, is that the best prosecutors can do at this point? If anybody I know peed all over a 14-year-old girl, slept with her, videotaped it, held private screenings of said video with all of his friends, then got CAUGHT, they’d be under the jail by now—but not R. Kelly. So I’m skeptical if Kellz is truly on his way to trial in September as the “Pied Piper (eww) of R&B” has practically finagled his way out of these charges for half a decade. There have been a long list of delays in this case and at this point, the teenager in question here is now a full blown adult. It will be interesting to see how Kelly and his team of lawyers plans to delay the trial yet again, but for a 40-year-old man to run around calling himself the Pied Piper is just weird. Especially one that makes a fortune off of a series called “Trapped in the Closet,” which may explain the outfit above.

Maybe he’ll duck the law continuously, though you’d think that if dude was really innocent, he’d be eager to get to court and prove it.

Whatever. In a secondary note, why do pedophiles make such good music? Somebody help me out with this one cause every time you’re “Stepping in the Name of Love” at a party, don’t you feel a little dirty?

If so, here’s another reason to sing along and feel like you need a shower afterward. —Jonathan Cunningham

If you’re still reading this, can someone explain how a man that surrounds himself with women this fine needs to cruise his old high school in Chicago looking for girls?

Chris Hansen from Dateline: To Catch a Predator needs to do a special on Kellz. Damn.