Audio By Carbonatix
It’s pretty fun watching South Florida’s daily newspapers try to describe the “crotch-related gesture” that got Miami Heat guard Eddie House fined this week.
Or, more specifically, not try– because the Herald can’t get away with saying “testicles” unless it’s a cancer-related story, and even El Nuevo Herald apparently can’t sneak “cojones grandisimos” by the copyeditor.
From the Sun-Sentinel: “House’s gesture was similar to the gesticulations of Sam Cassell after the former NBA guard converted one of his trademark 3-point daggers.”
In other words: Google it, bitches.
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Fortunately, we’re here to give it to you straight: Eddie House was doing the Big Balls Dance, alternatively referred to as simply “Gorilla Ballz” (it should always be spelled with a “Z”, in our opinion).
Youtube user Shoehunter23 and his DVR know what we’re talking about: (Audio NSFW unless your boss also got gorilla ballz)
But the Sun-Sentinel is right in pointing out the Cassell precedent. Eddie House isn’t the first to do the Big Balls Merengue– or even the third or fourth– although he may be the last now that a fine has been levied. The whole situation fairly reeks of big, fuzzy injustice.
By all accounts, if Cassell wasn’t the first NBA player to do the Big Balls Polka, he was at least the one to bring it to league-wide prominence. Another Youtube user posits that Cassell might have been inspired by the “Marbles” scene in Major League II, although that somehow seems like a bit of a stretch.
Then the dastardly Kobe Bryant did the Enormous Gonads Cha-cha after making a shot against the Spurs in a game in 2009. In the same contest, San Antonio’s George Mason hit the game-winner and returned Bryant’s oversized testicular fire.
The Philadelphia 76ers’ Andre Iguodala has also done his own rendition, although by his dance it appears that his balls have not yet dropped and are more unnaturally wide than anything else.
So by the time Eddie House imported the nutsack fox trot to Miami, the dance was already a full-fledged movement in basketball’s elite league. Clearly, some guy in the NBA’s office whose job it is to monitor such things decided to put his foot down– right on House’s mudflap-esque balls.
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