Audio By Carbonatix
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 11/14
Charges: Trespassing with warning
“Auditions at the Holy Land Experience were wicked rough this year, Ma. I’m telling you, there were like 900 dudes who majored in Looking Like Christ, but only a select few who could get a call back. Say hello to your boy.”
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Arrested: 11/14
Charges: Cannabis possession under 20 grams
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! What? Go to jail? OK…
Arrested: 11/13
Charges: Not listed
What better way to celebrate winning the Mu Alpha Theta tournament than with a bunch of hookers? I wanna lay tangent to your curves — and pay you 20 bucks for it if that’s cool.
Arrested: 11/11
Charges: Not listed
Wild MISSING NO. has appeared! This strange, backward-L type Pokemon is basically a bunch of glitched pixels that will ruin your game. Like Medusa, this will fuck you up just by looking at it. Congratulations, you’ve lost.
Arrested: 11/13
Charges: Disorderly conduct, trespassing after warning
Confucius say, “What you do not wish for yourself, do not wish to others.” We’d like to add, “Whatever you don’t want on your face, just put on top of your head.”
Arrested: 11/14
Charges: Criminal mischief, disorderly conduct
This is the human equivalent of the //s// drawing you put on all your Trapper Keepers in elementary school.
Send your story tips to the author, Allie Conti.
Follow Allie Conti on Twitter: @allie_conti Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
