Audio By Carbonatix
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 2/20
Charges: Driving with Suspended License
Excuse me sir? Does your tattoo say “married to da game?” I’ll have you know that Florida has a constitutional amendment that clearly defines marriage as 1 man, 1 woman. NOT 1 man, 1 da game. So why don’t you take your perfect ass and your pervert spouse to San Francisco instead of trying to rub your deviant lifestyle in my children’s face. I mean, how am I even supposed to explain to them that a man is married to da game?
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Arrested: 2/20
Charges: Petit Theft with Previous Convictions, Outstanding Out-of-State Warrant
Mugshots Friday helpful beauty tip: When getting your dye job touched up try to remember the exact shade of hair dye you originally used and try not to say “I don’t know, some sort of orange I guess.”
Arrested: 2/15
Charges: Domestic Violence, Carrying a Concealed Firearm
We love a good “305” tattoo. A tattoo that looks like it takes design cues from that tattoo of a fat white guy in a late ’90s pop-punk band is not a good “305” tattoo.
Arrested: 2/13
Charges: Grand Theft 3rd Degree, Organized Fraud
Is that a faded face tattoo of a flower made to look like its growing out of his mouth …or something we should feel bad about pointing out?
Arrested: 2/13
Charges: Panhandling
People see a burn mark on a piece of toast that looks like Jesus and they line up around the block to worship it. People see a dude that looks like Jesus and they put him in jail for panhandling. What’s up with that?
Arrested: 2/15
Charges: Cannabis Possession with Intent to sell
Your forehead seems like an odd place to be permanently soliciting a high five on.
Arrested:: 2/13
Charges: Possessions of a Stolen of Fictitious Driver’s License
We put this up here to remind our younger readers that you can wind up in jail just for having a fake ID, but also to ask “Wait, this isn’t Southern California in the late ’90s. Why are kids still doing this to their ears?”
Arrested: 2/16
Charges: Grand Theft 3rd Degree
The thing this world really robbed the world of is someone who would clearly have talent as a feminist art worksop leader somewhere in Vermont.
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