The Philadelphia Eagles helped head coach Andy Reid win the Mustachioed Overweight Coach Who Has Overstayed His Welcome Bowl when they blew away the Dolphins 26-10 yesterday. The Dolphins have ensured themselves their third straight losing season, falling to 4-9, and remain dead-last in the AFC East even though everyone…
We can understand stiffing taxpayers with a $2.6 billion invoice for a shiny new stadium. We can’t even really blame the Miami Marlins for refusing to chip in for millions in parking taxes while dropping nine figures on high-priced free agents. Hey, if our county officials are so inept that…
Today is finally the beginning of the NBA’s free-agency period, and with the Heat’s first game a little more than two weeks away, the team will have to work fast and furious to nail the roster down. We’ve already gotten news that Shane Battier and Eddy Curry will be new guys…
So despite the fact that the Miami Heat are severely hurting in the point guard and center spots, their first signing priority this season was apparently the owner’s son’s college buddy.In the first indication of the team’s signing decisions, Shane Battier has announced he’ll be playing for the Heat this…
Good thing the Marlins are the only team in the MLB with an official barber, because newly signed Jose Reyes will have to sit down in Hugo Tandron’s chair soon. Reyes has sported shoulder length dreadlocks for the better part of his career with the Mets, but the Fish have…
Don’t question University of Florida graduate Jen Wiley’s commitment to the Florida Gators. She’s such a fan of the team that she named her kid Spurrier Urban Wiley after two of the team’s most (or really only) notable football coaches. However, now that Urban Meyer has decided to take the…
With the Miami Dolphins having another odd season and former head coach Nick Saban once again headed to a BCS championship game with Alabama, you’d be forgiven for wondering what could have been if Saban didn’t sneak out of town with pants firmly on fire in 2007. Though, maybe we’re…
Thanks to the lockout, there are 16 games fewer than usual, but the NBA has finally released the schedule for its shortened, 66-game season. As everyone already knows, the Heat will open with a Christmas Day rematch against the Dallas Mavericks. The Heat’s home opener will go down two days…
LeBron James has finally admitted the obvious: announcing his decision to play for the Miami Heat on an over-hyped ESPN special was a public relations nightmare. Obviously, for Heat fans the show was a monumental feel-good moment, but it only served to fuel the hatred and intense scrutiny on the…
SEC probes and baffling aesthetic choices aside, the Miami Marlins really do deserve credit for keeping good on their promise of upping their payroll and making the team a serious contender. A day after adding prized shortstop Jose Reyes, ESPN is reporting that the Fish have made a 10-year contract…
I was in the stands at Shea Stadium in 2006 when Endy Chavez, God bless his tiny heart, made this heroic catch in the NLCS’ Game 7 to seemingly seal the Mets’ glorious destiny. That was the last time I’ve ever experienced joy. Three innings later, Carlos Beltran was frozen…
Al Golden’s surprising contract extension apparently wasn’t enough to let the rest of the college football world know that the coach isn’t planning on abandoning the University of Miami ship anytime soon.After firing head coach Rick Neuheisel, the UCLA athletic department reportedly decided to give Golden a call, but the…
Amazingly and infuriatingly, the Miami Dolphins have come tromping out of the depths of a shitty season like a reanimated zombie and have suddenly started kicking opponents asses and eating their brains.The Dolphins defense stabbed the Raiders in the face with their ferociousness, while the offense — led by the…
Former Miami Dolphins defensive end Igor Olshansky was having a bad week. A calf injury forced him to miss the Thanksgiving Day game against the Cowboys, and the team rewarded him by releasing him on Wednesday. All the dude wanted to do was get a little high after a tough work…
You probably know by now that Back to the Future II predicted that there would be a baseball team using the name “Miami” as their home signifier, but did another movie predict the Miami Marlin’s new uniforms?The 1998 box office bomb BASEketball, staring South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey…
The Nevin Shapiro scandal may have left all those folks talking up the Hurricanes football program as an upstanding group of brainy, good two-shoed scholars eating crow, but you better believe Donna Shalala is still dead-set on keeping up the school’s academic reputation.Maybe that’s why its likely the team is…
Miami Dolphins wide receiver Brandon Marshall has found himself on the wrong side of the law yet again. This time, it’s for allegedly not paying a hefty cab fair. Marshall was not arrested in the incident, but was handcuffed and put in the back of a Broward County Sheriff’s deputy…
A few weeks ago, we told you that Miami Marlins mascot Billy the Marlin would return with a new color scheme, and lamented, “Hopefully we don’t have to worry about an 8-foot tall orange sports fish walking around the stadium.”Well, the new Billy is finally here, and its not quite…
New Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen hasn’t been in town for that long, but is it possible he’s been looking through past Miami New Times covers for photo shoots? He’s pictured on the cover of the newest edition of ESPN The Magazine in a full on kiss with his pet…
The members of the ’72 Miami Dolphins haven’t gotten a chance yet to pop champagne, as the Green Bay Packers have remained undefeated with little signs of slowing down. Could Perfectville soon have a population of two?These are dark days in Dolphinland, as they have been for much of the…
With the exact makeup of NBA’s post-lock out rosters unknown, making any super informed predictions about the upcoming abbreviated season is sort of a shot in the dark. Though, with Dwyane Wade, LeBron James and Chris Bosh on the Heat, picking them to win the NBA championship is likely your…
Cleveland-raised Esquire scribe Scott Raab’s LeBron James-bashing book, The Whore of Akron– which at one point wishes a career-ending injury upon the basketball superstar– got the author’s media credentials revoked from Miami Heat home games. It also earned him an inbox full of threats from South Floridians. Now, Raab believes,…
