Joey Saint, Brian Brody Execute 600-Pound Splash Flawlessly

In the ultra competitive, bruising world of professional wrestling, a viciously creative signature move is what separates the stars from the understudies.Joey “The Portrait of American Horror” Saint, clocking in at 400 pounds, and Brian “The Beast” Brody, who packs 200 pounds, combine to form a fiendishly diabolical human smash…

2011 Miami Hurricanes Schedule Released

The 2011 Miami Hurricanes Schedule has been released, and despite some rumors, they won’t be opening the season against Florida State. Though the opener could be even more interesting as they’ll travel up to Maryland for a Monday night game on September 5 to be broadcast on ESPN. Yes, former…

Dada 5000 Delivers On Guarantee, Crushes Timothy Papp Jr.

Fifty seconds. That’s how quick Dhafir Harris, aka Dada 5000, dispatched Timothy Papp Jr., an Oklahoma MMA fighter with more experience than the Perrine Spartan. Prior to stepping into the ring with Papp, Harris told New Times, “I need to inflict pain on him real quick so people know I…

Shakey Situation: Krop High Shouldn’t Have Escaped Disqualification

This news story will appear in Wednesday’s issue of New Times. It includes reporting that was published last week on our news blog, and which was referenced without attribution in this weekend’s Miami Herald. Beansprout teenage basketball players from Dr. Michael M. Krop Senior High, all wearing purple tracksuits, filled…

Krop High Will Play On, But Coach Shakey Wasn’t Too Happy To See Us

Judge Spencer Eig this afternoon granted an emergency injunction to Dr. Michael Krop High’s basketball team, allowing the number-one-ranked squad to join three other teams in the playoffs despite eligibility issues surrounding 19-year-old guard Brian Delancy. Eig ruled that it would be “fundamentally unfair not to allow these students to…

Ex-Michigan QB Tate Forcier Transferring to Miami

Turns out that the Hurricanes will net a new QB this year after all: former Michigan starter Tate Forcier. He’s announced his decision to transfer to Coral Gables today. Forcier was a four-star recruit coming out of high school, but thanks to injuries and other complications failed to deliver for…

WrestleMania Coming to Sun Life Stadium in 2012

Lets get ready to rumble! No seriously, we need to get ready to rumble. It’s just been announced that Miami is playing host to professional wrestling’s biggest event WrestleMania in 2012. It’s not quite another Super Bowl, but hosting the event means an economic boon for the city as well…

Disqualified Krop Baller Bryan Delancy’s Sketchy Living Situation

At three this afternoon at a Downtown courthouse, attorneys representing Dr. Michael Krop High will argue that the disqualification of one of the school’s basketball players over an immigration issue is illegal. Whether Florida’s number-one ranked high school team qualifies for the playoffs hangs in the balance. But Riptide has…

Randy Shannon Reportedly Interviewing for Maryland’s DC Job

We’re pretty sick of trying to follow the Randy Shannon job hunt as apparently interest from Texas and UCLA lead nowhere, but according to an ESPN reporter Shannon is going to interview for the defensive coordinator position at Maryland. Yes, Maryland would be a rival ACC school. Yes, Miami and…

Dan Marino Hates the Black Eyed Peas

The Pittsburgh Steelers may not have won the Super Bowl, but the real losers seems to have been the Black Eyes Peas. The questionably talented group helmed the halftime show’s first foray back into Top 40 pop since Janet Jackson’s affaire du nipple a few years back. They may have…