Five Kinds of Heat Fans After a Big Playoff Loss

Basketball is the most frustrating sport to watch as a fan, because even when your team wins, the other team scores a good 30 to 50 times. And when your crew loses? It’s the worst. Nobody likes to lose. Losing is for losers. Heat fans know the drill all too…

Mike Epps Lied About Seeing the Heat Get Smoked by Pacers in Game One

The Miami Heat’s 107-96 loss to the Indiana Pacers Sunday was about as enjoyable to consume as a poop-filled Chipotle burrito, but then again, people frickin’ love Chipotle no matter what, so maybe that’s a bad analogy. Seriously, though, this game was shitty. It was a wire-to-wire collective sitting-in-a-circle-holding-hands crapping…

Five Reasons the Miami Heat Will Beat the Indiana Pacers

Well, well, well, it looks like we have ourselves a good ol’ fashioned Mexican standoff here . After eight months of basketball, the Miami Heat find themselves right where they always figured they would be, four games from their fourth straight NBA Finals appearance, with only the Indiana Pacers standing…

Herald Columnist Thinks LeBron James Is Cool With Homophobia

LeBron James has been unflinchingly stern in his opinion that Donald Sterling should sell the Los Angeles Clippers. Miami Herald columnist Glenn Garvin, though, has a few questions for LeBron about that. Mainly, he wants James to address every sports controversy to ever happen. James is understandably busy at the…

Rumor: Paul Pierce Punched LeBron James After Game Four

File this under “questionable rumors.” There’s a story spreading on social media that Paul Pierce punched LeBron James in the jaw after the game Monday night, and that ten men (!) had to stop LeBron from killing Pierce. I mean, internet rumor so hard, internet. World Star! This really is…

Dwyane Wade Is Being a “Groomzilla” Before His Wedding

Dwyane Wade is actually on the hunt for two types of rings this summer: his fourth NBA championship ring and, of course, a wedding ring. Apparently, one isn’t necessarily taking precedence over the other at the moment. His fiancée, Gabrielle Union, says Wade has turned into a “groomzilla” and has…

LeBron Scores 49 Points in Game Four Against Brooklyn Nets

Paul Pierce asked for LeBron James. Paul Pierce got LeBron James. Be careful what you wish for, kids — you just might get it. LeBron James strapped the Heat on his back Monday night and carried the team to a thrilling 102-96 win that leaves Miami one win away from…

Newspaper Headline Claims Heat Literally Castrated Nets

The Miami Heat destroyed the Brooklyn Nets last night, but as far as we know, the Nets players’ testicles are still anatomically intact. Unless, of course, the Evansville Courier and Press knows something we don’t. See also: Miami Herald Runs Macy’s Ad Congratulating Heat on Winning NBA Title…