We Sure Know How to Pick The Best Politicians!

Next week, this year’s Best of Miami issue hits the stands. So you know what that means! It’s that time of year we pick a kick-ass politician who’ll end up getting kicked out of office! Getting named Best Politician is like an endorsement from The Miami Herald editorial board: the…

Four Stages in the Evolution of Lionel Richie’s Hair

Lionel Richie. His hair is fucking crazy, bordering on crazy awesome. However, throughout the decades he has made efforts to tone it down. That mustache, on the other hand, has stuck around like his daughter’s herpes. We’re not insinuating Nicole Richie is a slut, by the way, it’s just that…

Richard Moss Out As Police Academy Director

Richard Moss’s tenure as basic training director for Miami-Dade College’s School of Justice is over. A spokesman confirmed earlier this week that the 56-year-old ex-Broward County Sheriff’s deputy will not be returning next year. His contract was not renewed, but school officials declined comment as to what led to Moss’s…

Dirk Nowitzki Is Hollywood as Hell Too

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. Luke explains how the NBA commissioner is assisting Dallas Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki.The Heat hater brigade loves to harp on…

Marco Rubio Tricked The Tea Party

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke reassesses Sen. Marco Rubio’s Tea Party credentials.I need to thank Marco Rubio. He really stuck it to…

Miami Food Pyramid Stresses Pork Fat and Vodka — and Some Real Data Too

 marked the official retirement of the oft-avoided USDA Food Pyramid that has been haunting sugar and grease-loving Americans since 1992.The new symbol for portion-control divides a plate into sections based on rough estimates of how much protein, dairy, fruits, vegetables, and grains a person should consume in one day.Since the…

Memorial Day Weekend Fiasco Could Have Been Avoided Long Ago

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.This week, Luke explains how his efforts to organize Memorial Day Weekend festivities in Miami Beach were thwarted by city and…