Jersey Shore Damage Report: Fight Night

Let’s get to ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuumble! Yes, last night was fight night on South Beach for the Jersey Shore crew. We saw the thrilling conclusion to Sammi vs. JWoww, an undercard featuring of Vinny vs. Ronni, Snooki vs. Latino dating rituals, Paul vs. herpes, Fossil watches vs. smooshing, the entire…

Jump Out Boys Daniel Fernandez and Joe Losada Found Guilty

Five years ago, on January 12, Miami-Dade police plain clothes detectives Daniel Fernandez and ​Joe Losada were arrested by internal affairs officers for allegedly planting evidence, falsifying an arrest affidavit, stealing money, and physically threatening a drug dealer. The pair didn’t know that Pedro Soler and his friend Rafael Rodriguez…

MP3 of the Day: The New – “Musician’s Point of View”

For many years I delighted in tormenting Lori Garrote with random assertions that her brother Joe (of The Basicks and The Can’t Stand Ya’s fame) owed me twenty bucks, and that he had reported her as the current holder of that lien. Needless to say, the familial confusion that must’ve…

Ground Zero Mosque: A Solution

This post has nothing to do with food, but it might give you something to chew on:As we all know by now, Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf has offered to build a mosque and Islamic cultural center in the proximity of Ground Zero, a purportedly generous gesture to help build trust…

Lousy Parking in the Grove, Part 3. We Need These Joints

Coconut Grove has been a fickle neighborhood for many restaurants. While some owners open in hope of becoming the next GreenStreet Cafe, others close in a matter of months. What might be hindering the prosperity of establishments in the Grove is the unfriendly parking situation. If Coconut Grove, like the…

Remember 9/11 and Say No to the Ground Zero Mosque

Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness once made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times.This week, Luke says no to the Ground Zero mosque.I don’t believe there should be a mosque next to the Ground…

Blast From the Past: Baccone Dolce’s – Barbecued Cats

Baccone Dolce Barbecued Cats (Moon Ska Records) www.moonskaworld.com Aspeta un minuti … or don’t. It isn’t so much as the delicious Italian treat as it is a bygone era where the Floridian peninsula ruled the ska-airwaves. And (apparently re-emergent ska label) Moon Ska took note. The mid-90’s were a good…

Overrated Eats: Smith & Wollensky

There are good things to say about Smith & Wollensky, for sure, starting with its incredible location, location, location and the fact that its bartenders are known to be quite generous with a pour. And we think it’s cool they are offering wine enthusiasts the chance to swirl and spit…

Top 5 Reasons Your DJ Hates You

Ask a DJ, and it would appear that a lot of club patrons seem to confuse them for human jukeboxes which they think they can crowd around, prop their drinks on, lean back on, and prompt for every crappy song that tickles their drunken fancy. Granted, some contexts and scenarios…

Jersey Shore Damage Report: Watermelons and Pinholes

Last night’s Jersey Shore was full of cat fights, watermelons in pinholes, and tricky transgendered-identifying people. With the boring saga of Ronnie and Sam finally fading, and the ensuing fallout of “the guidette letter” taking center stage, it might have been the trashiest (read: best) episode since the hot mess…

Blogger’s Bout: Michael’s Genuine

Blogger Hannah Littman and New Times editor Chuck Strouse disagree about Design District pioneer and national powerhouse Michael’s Genuine. What follows are their disparate views:Walk into Michael’s Genuine, the much applauded, infrequently dissed Design District restaurant and you note it right away. There’s none of the pretense that so many…